The difference between dumb and stupid

It's Wednesday and my friend A is visiting.  He's waiting for his class to start and is killing some time.  We haven't seen each other in a month, or so, so we're playing a bit of catch up.  Even though not all of the stories are about us, most were headscratchers.

To bring my friend up to speed, I remind him about X, Y and Z.  X and Y were seeing each other long-distance and Y discovered X was in a relationship with Z on Facebook.  There were no explanations or excuses.  Unsurprisingly, it was over between X and Y.  Two years pass and Y receives several messages from X, asking for forgiveness.  As it turns out Z was lying and cheating on X throughout their relationship (talk about karmic irony).  Y decides to give X another try and finds out that X went back to Z right after their reconciliation.

"So, he leaves this one guy who liked him and would've treated him really well and leaves him for another who repeatedly treated him like crap," I explain.

"And he did this twice to Y?" asks my friend.

"Yup."

"Hmmm," he drags out the word.  "Is he that stupid?"

"I don't think he's stupid.  I think he's just dumb."

"What's the difference?"

"That's hard to say.  I believe a person is dumb when they do something wrong and don't even realize it's wrong.  Stupid is when you do it on purpose."  This explanation makes sense, in a rather simplistic way.  "I don't think he did that [the two-timing] on purpose, like he wanted to hurt [the cockholded guy].  I also don't think he knows the difference.  Unless, of course, he's a sociopath.  But, I don't think he is.  So..."

In fact, I'm starting to wonder if Y is the stupid one.  He went through the same situation twice.  But, did he know it was going to happen?  Probably not.  Was there an inkling it would happen, again?  Probably.  He was screwed over once, and with that level of mistrust, he should've learned from his mistakes.  Sadly, he didn't.

David Hasselhoff's force

It's one of those long days that never feel like it's going to end and I'm texting my friend S about a couple of things we're doing this week.  I get frustrated about something that happens (it's not her) and we start to ramble about non-sensical items.  One of them makes me laugh.

"Mr. G said that the most powerful force in the universe was David Hasselhoff sucking in his gut."

And, that's all it took to make my frustratingly long day feel a lot shorter.

The year of me

It's the new year and with that comes a series of resolutions that no one ever seriously intends to follow through with.  I haven't   made any in years and I wasn't the worse for it.  Lose weight and get healthier?  Pass.  Make more friends?  Meh.  Plot the demise of my foes?  In progress for the past few years.

But, this year is different.  I'm making a resolution.  Just one, to keep things simple.  For 2012, I've decided to be selfish (in a good way).  Without going into detail, I can say I will no longer consider the needs/wants of others at the start.  Unlike before, I'll come first... for now.

That doesn't mean that I'm going to destroy anything that comes across my path on my quest to world domiation; you can be diplomatic while doing that. 

Basically, I believe if I'm happy, then I'll want to make everyone feel the same way as I do.  And, if you don't like it, you can fuck off for all I care (and I won't since I won't care about your feelings since they're secondary to mine!).

So, happy new year.  It's going to be a good one, because when you get down to it, it's always about me.

New years peeve

Although today is Boxing Day in Canada (and a day of rest for most of the world), I'm probably working. The joys of being a business owner is that I don't have the choice to go on holiday since I'm at the beckon call of clients.

What I won't be doing is thinking of December 31. Although people have been planning their new years festivities for weeks, I haven't. For years, I was trotted out with family to places that I never really wanted to go to. In fact, I never saw the ball drop in Time Square until I was in University.

For the past couple of years, I've spent them at home, usually with family and sometimes with friends, watching TV, then calling it quits to a boozy night by 1 a.m.

This year, my plans fell through. I was going to have company, but company isn't reliable (the only thing you can depend on are taxes, since I've seen people cheat death more than once). It will be one of the first times I've purposely spent it alone. I've come to realize that I don't need someone to kiss when the clock strikes midnight.

Maybe it will become a new tradition.

House vs. house boy

Not too long ago, I was a dinner guest at my friend's newly-renovated home in the 'burbs. It was a pleasant change for me since I haven't been out of the city in a couple of weeks (I also haven't seen him in over six months).

While we're in the kitchen, I prop myself up on the natural stone countertop and we get on the conversation thread of home renovations, cleaning ladies, and men. Odd combination. Not too long into it, my friend asks if I had the option to choose between a nice house or a house boy, which would it be.

Without skipping a beat, I say I'd take the house. I think he's surprised. I'm being serious.

Amongst several of my reasons, I believe real estate is more dependable (it will always be there), reliable (chances are, it's always on time), honest (you know it's a house not a louse), valuable (especially in the resale market), and most of all, a house doesn't disappoint you (this one explains itself).

Eventually, we begin to talk about other things, but I think I made my point that night. When it comes down to it, I'd rather be happy and single while having a place that I can call home instead of being coupled while living under a bridge.

But, maybe it's just me.

Missing the old version of my friend

It's always odd seeing a person change before your eyes. Unless you see them on a regular - and almost daily - basis, changes can appear to be rather sudden. This is like what's happening to my friend XXX.

We've known each other for years and have gone though a lot with each other; whether familial or relationship matters. We were fairly similar and balanced each other out. But, ever since the end of his last relationship, I feel like he's changed. Correction, I know he's changed.

We used to hang out often, and now when I ask him if he has any free time, he's always busy. Even our talks can get strained. Everything is about partying, hooking up with random strangers, pumping up at the gym, going online looking for sex, hitting the clubs all weekend, waking up the next morning with some guy in his bed, and so on.

Basically, he's turned into the typical gay stereotype. I'm all for having fun, but this is a bit much. An identity crisis, perhaps?

Yes, intrinsically, he's still the same person, but... also not. I'm not saying people shouldn't change and grow, but I should've been more specific. I've been somewhat stable throughout the years, but some people might consider that to be boring (even though I'm not). I think it's more about a maturing of the mind, not a matter of making bigger muscles.

Will he ever 'come back' to the world he started out in? Maybe. Or, he could just end up like every cliched gay guy out there who thinks they'll never grow old on the inside while their outsides are playing catch-up with age.

Push and pull

People are hard to read. You think you know what they're thinking of, and yet, you're never really sure. Their words say one thing and their bodies say another.

Even though I'd like to consider myself to be - somewhat - intuitive in gauging their minute reactions, some people are like Tolstoy (i.e. hard to read). But, I'm not the only one who thinks this; after talking to a few friends, they're also experiencing the same thing.

You lean in and they lean in, but maybe not as much. You kiss them and they're not pressing as hard as you'd like. You reach for their hand and they hold it, but don't grasp it hard enough. But, the thing is they don't retreat from your actions. It feels as if your attempts at acting upon your feelings are received half-heartedly. It's such a push and pull mentality.

At least it would be easier if we were all feral beasts, lunging at one another when we're hungry. It's much easier to have someone say they're not interested "in that way" instead of having me wonder if they do. I consider myself to be - somewhat - intelligent, and for someone who likes to have the answers to everything, this is one of those situations that I don't have any.