Me... (pt. 1)

You think you know someone…

That is a phrase used by those who are surprised when someone they think they know does or says something unexpected.

Personally, I try to make things perfectly clear so as not to confuse people. And, that is what I am going to do with a list of 100 things about me. Keep in mind, this is only a partial (and incomplete) list; sort of a best-of compilation of greatest hits.

For those who think they know me, read on.

For those who don’t know me, read on.

For those who have no idea why they’re reading this, it’s because you’re already psychologically invested in it (kind of like those food ladies at Costco who fry up those little pieces of crap on a cracker and guilt you into buying two boxes when all you were looking for was a jumbo pack of toilet paper).

Here goes nothing.

1. Is a contradiction of terms
2. Is either loved or loathed
3. Finds that those who love him are tolerant of his behaviour
4. Finds that those who loathe him don’t give him a chance to love him
5. Has no time for those who loathe him
6. Is (devastatingly) shy with a big mouth
7. Is reserved with a dirty mind
8. Likes to push the envelope
9. Enjoys provoking people
10. Likes to watch others
11. Does not like to participate
12. Leaves people guessing
13. Is sick of being misunderstood
14. Gets defensive when people misunderstand and misconstrue his sayings
15. Is a Roman Catholic
16. Was glad he never became an alter boy (wipes sweat off brow)
17. Loves taunting priests and teasing nuns, because...
18. Thinks it's a form of karmic retribution for torturing him when he was young
19. Prays each and every night, and...
20. Knows he’s going straight to hell, no pergatory