I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Me... (pt. 1)

You think you know someone…

That is a phrase used by those who are surprised when someone they think they know does or says something unexpected.

Personally, I try to make things perfectly clear so as not to confuse people. And, that is what I am going to do with a list of 100 things about me. Keep in mind, this is only a partial (and incomplete) list; sort of a best-of compilation of greatest hits.

For those who think they know me, read on.

For those who don’t know me, read on.

For those who have no idea why they’re reading this, it’s because you’re already psychologically invested in it (kind of like those food ladies at Costco who fry up those little pieces of crap on a cracker and guilt you into buying two boxes when all you were looking for was a jumbo pack of toilet paper).

Here goes nothing.

  1. Is a contradiction of terms
  2. Is either loved or loathed
  3. Finds that those who love him are tolerant of his behaviour
  4. Finds that those who loathe him don’t give him a chance to love him
  5. Has no time for those who loathe him
  6. Is (devastatingly) shy with a big mouth
  7. Is reserved with a dirty mind
  8. Likes to push the envelope
  9. Enjoys provoking people
  10. Likes to watch others
  11. Does not like to participate
  12. Leaves people guessing
  13. Is sick of being misunderstood
  14. Gets defensive when people misunderstand and misconstrue his sayings
  15. Is a Roman Catholic
  16. Was glad he never became an alter boy (wipes sweat off brow)
  17. Loves taunting priests and teasing nuns, because...
  18. Thinks it's a form of karmic retribution for torturing him when he was young
  19. Prays each and every night, and...
  20. Knows he’s going straight to hell, no pergatory


Blogger whatsthebuzz said...

Aw,from my perspective... you're not nearly bad enough to go straight to hell. Hell is for people like Hitler, and my ex-mother-in law. Straight to 'heck', maybe...but you'll have company (Just ask for my room number at the front desk)!

February 27, 2006 8:29 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

I'm sure St. Peter will get a good laugh when I show up at the pearly gates.

February 28, 2006 12:34 pm  
Blogger Kenneth said...

he he ... Steven - you sound hilarious already :P he he ... and totally ... what's the word I'm looking for ... well you're an enigma unto your own based on what you say here. he he.

August 18, 2008 4:04 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u r not going to hell...not until u know it for sure ... so stop making preconcieved judgements

November 16, 2008 3:45 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally feel you on the Hell thing. Not looking forward to it, but seems kind of inevitable at this point.

May 20, 2009 6:05 pm  

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