I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, February 03, 2006

God, I hate John Mayer

There is a list of people that bother me to the extent that I feel sick with any mention of their name, face or voice.

On that list is John Mayer.

Here is a man who has little talent, yet manages to achieve financial and critical success with his slew of albums, and wins several Grammy’s (including one for Song of the Year, I shit you not).

Here is a man who has the personality of a petrified log, yet manages to have legions of fans around the world because he can stand in front of a microphone and grumble a couple of words while strumming away - craptastically, I might add - on his guitar.

Here is a man who hasn't bought stock in the looks department, yet manages to have women (and probably a few men) thrown at him while resembling a basset hound with a mild case of Down Syndrome.

Jealous? No.

Envious? No.

Irritated? Abso-fuckin'-lutely.

And, if that’s not reason enough to hate him, he also fucked Jennifer Love Hewitt.

I rest my case.

28 Comments:

Blogger Kevin said...

Don't hold back, Steven. How do you really feel about him?

February 03, 2006 8:24 am  
Blogger Steven said...

I can't stand him.

James Blunt is rising to the top of the list.

You're beautiful?

No, you're annoying.

February 03, 2006 11:44 pm  
Blogger Used Hack said...

I like John Mayer. You suck. :)

February 04, 2006 12:05 pm  
Blogger whatsthebuzz said...

I don't like John Mayer. He reminds me of an ex-boyfriend who whined more than my grandmother.

February 07, 2006 10:42 am  
Blogger yaniboy said...

While I readily admit to knowing nothing about John Mayer as a person, I like his music...

Although... he fucked Jennifer Love Hewitt... there's no up side to that...

I actually think he's kinda cute though...

August 14, 2006 8:19 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate John Mayer. I'd rather get chemotherapy (which I have) than listen to his annoying music. I hate John Mayer. Did I already say I hate John Mayer?

September 02, 2008 1:08 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with you man. I cannot stand him. He's a manufactured music "star" who I not only "don't get" but somehow manages to irritate me when I look at him. He studies trends to stay "hip" and isn't at all original....doesn't deserve his success. ...And that weird shit he does with his mouth and tongue -totally creeps me out - makes him look like he's having a stroke. Works the publicity/PR machine the music biz relies on these days - but hopefully soon, soon that gravy train will move on to more deserving folks....

October 14, 2008 9:03 pm  
Blogger mugiho philip kenmochi said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

November 04, 2008 11:23 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

John Mayer is a cocky idiot who considers himself a musical legend. He performs with some amazing musicians. Suddenly he's not pop and now plays blues? what the hell? does he not remember he sang that "you're body is a wonderland" song? Get a haircut and take a shower and stop thinking you're the next bb king.

January 13, 2009 11:38 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

John ...

hahahahah Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu beautiful - ..........beeeeeeeeeeeeeutiful ..

I am sure ...

God I hate that guy , and aniston with big nose

January 19, 2009 3:31 am  
Anonymous Abi said...

The other day, I was standing in line at the deli in the supermarket, waiting for some potato salad patiently.

All of a sudden, the Bette Midler song blaring from the store speakers ended and I heard what could have been mistaken for repetitive whining from a grown man. All I heard was, repeatedly, "Say what you mean to say. Say what you mean to say."

I was so utterly confused. Was this a song? Was this a disc jockey playing a joke on his listeners? Was this an advertisement for Tourette's medication?

After approximately forty-five seconds, I felt my heart rate skyrocket. My fists turned white around the shopping cart handle. I became short of breath when I realized that this was, in fact, a song, and chances were high that it would be lasting another 2.5 minutes.

I abandoned my potato salad. I abandoned my shopping cart. I flew out of the store so fast I almost tripped.

My eye is still twitching.

March 23, 2009 3:38 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't think it was possible to hate a song more than I hate "Uptown Girl" until "You're Body is a Wonderland" came along. This really is the icing on the cake or what I would describe as the "world's most vacuous song." Hearing it makes me more nauseas than the new birth control pills I started. John Mayer must have paid Buddy Guy a lot of money to play with him.

April 02, 2009 12:09 pm  
Blogger JC said...

I really cannot understand the fans of John Mayer. John did a cover of Free Fallin. It was ok but no way it even came close to the original. Yet Youtube is full of adoring fans talking about how he blew Tom Petty away? I guess there is no accounting for taste. I personally think all his lyrics suck and his sound is contrived.

May 21, 2009 2:26 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I already hated him enough, and then he covered "Free Fallin." Now, I'm not a big Tom Petty fan or anything, so that's not why I hated it. I hated it because he completely ruined the song. It's supposed to be a powerful song, especially in the chorus. John just jumps into that horribly annoying airy whisper-whine. Yuck. The good news is that I'm still young enough that I will be able to celebrate when his career ends someday.

May 23, 2009 8:21 pm  
Blogger sean said...

I would like to see you try and play how he does.

He is actually really fucking good, its amazing.

May 27, 2009 2:20 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If John Mayer is so "talentless" and "horrible," why is he revered by the likes of Buddy Guy, Eric Clapton, and others? Why is he continually invited to make appearances at Clapton's crossroads guitar festival? If you have to look up any of the previously mentioned people or festivals, you don't really deserve to comment on Mayer's ability to play the guitar or any of his other musical endeavors.

July 07, 2009 3:08 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just look "sweet home chicago" at the end of crossroad festival...
His guitar speak for him.

July 07, 2009 3:59 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

John Mayer is one hell of a guitar player, and that is it. When he sings, he sounds like he is gobbling on a cock. He is an Arrogant pussy, and I if I ever saw him, I would punch him in the pussy.

John Mayer Hater

July 08, 2009 3:16 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess I'm the only one who likes him then. I love his voice, and he's an amazing guitar player, definetely in my top 10. Also, he's got a cute baby face.

July 14, 2009 10:57 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unto God what is to God,
and to the Ceasar what is to the Ceasar.

July 30, 2009 4:08 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

John Mayer is an unbelievably talented man. His guitar skills are flawless, his songs have amazing soul. He must be a hot guy too, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jennifer Anniston, Jessica Simpson (Pre-Fatness). So fuck you dumbass.

August 24, 2009 6:12 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

John Mayer is one of the best guitarist of our generation! I agree he acts like a douche-bag, but thats usually a quality someone will develop when they become extremely famous in a heartbeat. I give him props for his music.

August 24, 2009 3:23 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

seriously.......all john mayer fans need to stop tuckin in their balls and stop fantasizing about this fag. John mayer sucks at guitar. He sucks at singing. He sucks at life. He sucks and should kill himself. You John mayer fans should join him and kill yourselves as well.

fucken idiots.

August 26, 2009 4:42 pm  
Blogger hc said...

john mayer is a fat dyke with no talent. he's a modern day bob dylna. l'chaim!$$$$$$

September 17, 2009 11:11 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I HATE JOHN MAYER SOOO MUCH I WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN HIS STUPID LOOKIN FACE. HE LOOKS LIKE HE HAS DOWN SYNDROME.

October 14, 2009 9:26 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anyone who thinks he is a bad guitarist, definetily does not have a clue about music. Probably someone who either doesn't play music or dabbles too much in metal to be open minded about the bigger picture of music.

There is a lot of feeling to his music, and it is deceptively complex to replicate his sound. ALso -- remember that speed is not indicative of talent when playing guitar or any instrument for the matter. This is music we are speaking of, not athleticism. I used to fall in this trap when I was less musically mature -- In all honesty music should be about playing/writing the music that most expresses who you are as a person and SOUNDS the best. Funny thing is, that the guy can shred blues too...insanely good. Eric Clapton stated in an interview that he had no idea how good he was until he played with him.

His voice was perhaps not as strong on earlier albums, as he himself stated (noting it's breathy quality in a recent interview). His newer albums feature a more pure tone.

If you can watch the entire "Where the Light Is" DVD without being blown away, you must have no clue, or are suffereing from A.D.D.

November 17, 2009 10:36 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think he has skill as a guitarist but he should never and I do mean NEVER sing again. The sounds that come out of his mouth are painful. They also shouldn't show him on camera from the neck up because he's ugly as hell.

January 03, 2012 9:51 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh and he's also an asshole. He's rude in interviews. He told one lady he was going to "sodomize your editor" for the questions she was asking. He humiliated and basically didn't answer most of her questions the whole time. He is arrogant too. He calls himself a music legend. Wtf?

January 03, 2012 9:55 am  

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