I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, December 27, 2010

An unexpected Christmas gift

Up until six years ago, people could depend on me to hold onto a baby. I wasn’t afraid I would drop it, or smother it because it was cute. To me, they were like little dolls that happened to be alive.

Then I held onto my oldest niece, and she changed that behaviour for every baby who has ever crossed my path.

Whenever I held her, she screamed and cried. The second she was passed onto someone else, she would stop. The kid hated me. Thankfully, that behaviour passed. Still, it affected me in a somewhat profound way.

I didn’t hold my second niece until she was a little older. This one had no problems lunging herself at me. She was a no-frills baby (i.e. feed her, change her, and put her to sleep) who hardly ever cried.

This Christmas was spent at my sister’s family’s house. My new nephew looked much bigger than the last time I saw him and he’s not even five months old. My sister asked me to hold him while she was prepping lunch and I did (although I was cringing inside, knowing he’d start to ball his eyes out the minute I held him).

But, something happened: My nephew didn’t cry. In fact, he looked at me and didn’t make that face of fear that babies make before they scream for their mommies. He smiled and giggled and would hold onto my sweater, fearing I’d pass him off to someone else; a reassuring thought, even if it’s from an infant.

Even with all of the presents under the tree, this Christmas my nephew gave me an unexpected gift. And it was something I never knew I was ever going to receive.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Some people can’t leave well enough alone

There are some times when you wish you never made an effort to be nice. It’s just so much easier to be an asshole and move on with life.

Not too long ago, I was at an event where about half of the guests were friends and the other half were people I hadn’t met, yet. Good ratio. Quite often I barely know three people (if I’m lucky).

After the event, I see some people tagged in a Facebook album and I decide to send a note to a guy I saw there but didn’t introduce myself to. What I thought was an act of polite kindness turned out to be something else.

The conversation goes awry when a friend request (by him) goes unaccepted (by me) in two days. The request is immediately rescinded. I ask why and the answer is that the request wasn’t responded to the second it was sent. I don’t even accept requests to people I know, let alone ones I don’t know.

I delete the rest of the Facebook messages and move on... until I get a new message about two weeks later.

Hey S,
I wanted to set the energy straight with regards to our recent email interaction. I get so many strange emails from men and perhaps, that has made me a little unsure about someone's intentions when they start a dialogue with me. Never any bad energy on my part.
All the best,

All I wanted to do was be nice and send a little “I’m sorry we never got to introduce ourselves” note, but some people just take things way too seriously and can’t leave well enough alone.

Even though I thought the situation was taken care of, it seems someone felt like it needed to be resurrected. Even Jesus knew when it was time to stop.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Cute will only take you so far

There are several people I know who have lofty dreams and ambitions to take over the world (or at least the world inside their heads). There's ambition, then there's foolishness.

They believe if they're able to think of ideas, they'll come to fruition. Basically, it's The Secret for the 20-year-old set, before they realize that book is a bunch of hoo-ha. This feeling of inevitability comes to a crashing halt when their parents won't upkeep their lavish lifestyles and they end up in a dead-end office job required to pay off the bills.

What they don't understand is if they don't have anything to substantiate their dreams, they won't come true. There are people who are tops in their fields, but they only got there after many, many years of hard work and talent. Do you think they made it where they are on their appearance? Possibly, but they also needed talent to back it up.

Very few are able to make it on their appearance, alone. Using your looks to get ahead in life will only last until there's someone younger and cuter waiting in the wings (and there are several of those around every corner).

Good luck to them. They'll need it when their cuteness isn't so cute, anymore.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Hag lighting

Hag lighting is just that: lighting that makes you look like a hag. It’s harsh and sourced from above (like fluorescents). Older people know from experience that being lit from flattering points makes them look younger, softer and more beautiful.

But, I never really noticed the negatives of hag lighting until I witnessed it first-hand.

As I’m sitting at my father’s computer in the basement, I turn on the desk lamp which is high above the desk, directed towards the wall. The light bounces off the creamy panels and reflects off my face when I look in the mirror next to the desk. Even though the lighting is soft and indirect, I look horrible.

There’s a furrow between my eyebrows that looks much deeper than I initially thought. I pull apart my eyebrows with my fingers to stretch out the skin and remove the groove.

For a fleeting moment, I think I have to get botox. This is the Grand Canyon of wrinkles. Fuck, my finger is almost on the touch pad of the phone, ready to make an appointment.

But, the wrinkle and negative thinking goes away when I turn off the desk lamp. I’ve always looked better in the dark.