I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Me... (pt. 2)

  1. Associates himself with his name
  2. Feels like he could never be a Mike, John, Peter, Dave or Andrew
  3. Will correct you if you call him Steve
  4. Will not answer you if you call him Steve more than once
  5. Is not kidding with 3 and 4
  6. Likes that people can’t make fun of his name because it doesn’t naturally rhyme with anything (Steven Peeven? Come fuckin’ on)
  7. Was a fat kid
  8. Had two chins, four stomach rolls, chubby cheeks, moobs and thighs that sparked when he walked
  9. Realized he was no longer fat when his thighs no longer rubbed against each other
  10. Hates it when people say he should gain weight (a.k.a. like when he was "young and innocent") because they believe fat = healthy
  11. Sometimes wishes he could just pack on 40 pounds to shut everyone up
  12. Knows he never will pack on 40 pounds just to piss everyone off
  13. Is the least photogenic person on the planet, but...
  14. Has grown into his looks
  15. Has accepted the fact that he will never look like anyone else, and that makes him special
  16. Spends little time in front of a mirror, unless he’s washing his hands
  17. Has very curly hair and hates it
  18. Has had red hair, orange hair (by mistake), blonde hair, black hair, various shades of brown
  19. Suffers from trichotillomania
  20. Had a patch of hair missing at the front of his head which took almost a year to completely grow back

10 Comments:

Blogger Kevin said...

you left off "likes long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and easy listening radio stations" -- was that on purpose?

March 01, 2006 11:07 am  
Blogger whatsthebuzz said...

I feel ya on the curly hair thing, Steven! Sounds to me like people in your world should quit telling you how you 'should' be. You're fine just like you are!

March 01, 2006 9:56 pm  
Blogger vanguard said...

Hey Steve,

You know Steven actually naturally rhymes with even.

Later Steve,
Van

March 01, 2006 10:05 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

Six Shooter: You forgot puppy dogs and cute babies.

WTB: You always want what you don't have (but, curly hair is way better than being bald).

Van: Kiss my ass.

Even Steven doesn't bug me (it's better than lopsided, or unilateral Steven).

March 02, 2006 12:20 am  
Blogger Knottyboy said...

I swear that I think we were friends as kids Peeven.
I hated how my thighs heated up when I wore cords in High School.
kb

March 02, 2006 1:31 am  
Blogger Kevin said...

but so far ... those are all great qualities ...

March 02, 2006 11:16 am  
Blogger Kevin said...

And I've got you beat for #13

March 02, 2006 11:54 am  
Blogger Steven said...

Knotty: My cords in high school had the inside thighs worn out (would they still be called cords if they're smooth?).

Also, I hated buying the whole "husky" sizes - an amusing euphamism for fat ass.

March 02, 2006 3:44 pm  
Blogger jetboy747 said...

Weaven Steven. Bet you never thought of weaving at a loom…nude.

March 03, 2006 11:00 pm  
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