I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Opinions are like assholes

Opinions are like assholes: everyone has one. The bigger the opinion, the larger the asshole. Although I have had rather big opinions, recently, that can't replace the fact that I am an asshole.

This week, there were two postings on my trip to L.A. What were supposed to be a series of lighthearted, fish-out-of-water stories have been (unfortunately) misconstrued as mean-spirited and malicious. That was never my intention.

These stories were supposed to resemble an Englishman in New York-style of trip - foreign man, foreign land - since all my life, no matter how hard I try to fit in, I was always a square peg in a round hole.

It should be said and noted that the people of L.A. were nothing if not welcoming and giving to a foreigner (and complete stranger), like myself. They made me a part of their group. They made me feel like I wasn’t as square as I believed. It felt like a much sunnier and warmer version of home.

And, in one fell swoop, I ruined it all by writing about how out of place I felt.

The greatest irony of this situation is I have been hurt so often, the bruises never seem to heal. I pledged to never do that to another individual. Now, in approximately 600 words, I have become a hypocrite.

The bridges that I built over the past year have not only been burned, but blown up to smithereens. And it pains me to no end they will never be rebuilt.

Whether the posts were deleted, these stories are ingrained in the minds of those who want to forget they ever met me, spoke to me, wrote to me, or even know my name.

No matter what I say, write or do, will be enough. They won't forgive me, and I don't expect them to.

As I sit here teary-eyed, I realize that there is nothing I can do. Nothing. It is beyond my control.

And, I am sorry.

8 Comments:

Blogger Kevin said...

If they can't forgive you, that is their loss. But I'm sure everything will work out in the end. I'm sure they will understand.

June 01, 2006 10:07 am  
Anonymous Dutchimport said...

Hmmm, I wasn't hurt or offended. You can think of LA whatever you want, it's a strange place, but awesome

June 01, 2006 1:57 pm  
Anonymous Dean said...

I suppose you call 'em like you see 'em....

June 01, 2006 2:15 pm  
Blogger Thomas&co. said...

Dear Steve,
Without the advantage of having read the stories, my gut reaction is tell you that there's been a huge mistake here, and it's not yours. If there indeed was true offense, the problem lies not in you, but in those offended. It appears that you are extremely sensitive (despite your acerbic wit), and the seeming friendships with these individuals was posibly not as genuine (liking you for the real you) as you may have imagined. It's always difficult when people mistake our actions, misunderstand our intentions, and then behave coldly. I speak out of experience on this one and have felt as you feel now. If these people are trully as "offended" as they've made you believe, then that would be a giant red flag for me to back away slowly and consider myself lucky to have been relieved of my passport to Crazytown. BTW, let me just tell you something about LA. Although my sister and her family live there (and I happen to really like LA), it is a fucking crazy town. All the rumors about LA are true and it is a city full of its overly generous share of plastic, disingenuous loonies. That being said, there are indeed loads of wonderful, bright, kind people there, but the city's reputation speaks for itself. And one last note, a Canadian in any US city - let alone LA - is slightly off-center anyway. In my experience, Canadians are wide-eyed wonders remeniscent of good ole American heartland folk - the ones that died off during the 1st George W. Bush election. I always find them refreshing people, and in no way naive, just refreshing.
One last note on LA. I have noticed a slight shift in my sister's personality in LA. When they lived in NYC, they were cultural carnivores, chewing up the scenery, as it were, soaking in and absorbing everything. Now that they're in LA, they just aren't that way anymore. I don't know why. They just stopped. That town is consumed with Hollywood and its fanatasy machinations. But let me state again, I love LA. I totally appreciate it for what it is, not to mention how beautiful I think it is. I really do.
Enough already!
Point being, it just sounds way off base for these people to cut you off so quickly and to be sooooo fucking sensitive in the first place. I think it reflects their own insecurities and lack of intellectual acumen not to be able to objectively appreciate your "duck out of water" impressions. Let me give you a little sage New York advice: Fuck 'em.

June 01, 2006 3:31 pm  
Anonymous Justin said...

I am a regular reader of your blog and I also live outside of the US. I don’t normally comment on blogs because whenever I do I always sound dumb. But here goes anyway. From an outsider's point of view I have to say that I agree with Tomas & Cos comment, it is their problem not yours. Friends love you for who you are and that means all of you ... the good and bad. In fact, I liked your stories and I didn't think that you were mean or hurtful .. I thought it was just a commentary on the differences between two cities. If they want to be princesses let them. But hey what do I know .. I am just a dumb Australian.

June 01, 2006 7:21 pm  
Blogger Mercury said...

I'm with Dutch. I just wanted to provide a little perspective from an Angeleno.

June 04, 2006 1:38 am  
Anonymous Dutchimport said...

Wow...that's all I can say about those two long comments about LA and it's people

June 05, 2006 3:24 pm  
Blogger whatsthebuzz said...

I didn't get to read the posts you're referring to, but if you intended them to be 'fish out of water' stories, I'm SURE that's what they sounded like. If someone read them and was pissed off, it's because they weren't reading it from your perspective. It's YOUR blog. Everything in it is from your perspective...it's where you vent. If you had some awkward moments in L.A. it's no surprise, and they should understand that. If they were in Canada...they'd feel the same.

I lived in Fresno and Modesto for 2 years each. L.A. really IS different, but the whole state is like no other. California is it's own little world. ANY "outlander" would feel as you did.

June 09, 2006 7:56 pm  

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