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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

All shook up

With Elvis Presley being one of the most famous musical performers of all time (as well as the undisputed king of rock and roll), it came as no surprise to have the American Idol contestants choose from a selection of the hits from his extensive catalog.

What was a surprise was seeing the way Priscilla Presley’s face doesn’t move when she’s talking - it’s like she’s a ventriloquist’s dummy and someone's with a hand up her ass.

As the show continued, the more nervous I became. The competition is down to four people, singing their hearts out for a chance to perform for the legendary Clive Davis on next week’s show.

Inevitably, one of them would have to go home, and sadly it would probably be the one that should (deservedly) stay…

Taylor
Song one – Jailhouse rock. The middle-aged fat women in the audience were eating this shit up like a bucket of greasy chicken with a side of potato wedges and coleslaw. No wonder there is an obesity problem in the U.S. They’ll chow down on any slop given to them.
Song two – In the ghetto. Very nice and nuanced performance that made forget about the KFC order earlier on in the show.

Chris
Song one – Suspicious minds. It was good, but I didn’t see the sparkle of previous performances. He’s slacking off like an A student who knows the answers to the final exam because he’s already taken the class previously.
Song two – A little less conversation. This performance could’ve been a little less monotonous. Just because he’s guaranteed a spot in the final three, it doesn’t mean he’s already won.

Elliot
Song one – I can dream. Although the beginning was shaky, the rest of the song was enough to make everyone cheer in the audience. And I think it’s kinda cute when he puckers his lips and they begin to quiver whenever he sings the word “you” for longer than two beats.
Song two – Trouble. Yes, he is in trouble, which is why he sang like he has never sung before (and blew away the other three singers), but it's no guarantee he'll be around after tonight.

Katherine
Song one – Hound dog/All shook up. Tommy Mottola was already planning on leaving his fourth wife to marry her, so he couldn’t care less that she forgot the words and bopped around on stage while singing off-key for two minutes. Talent is relative in this situation, unless you're married to it.
Song two – Can’t help falling in love. You know the judges didn’t like your performance when even Paula doesn’t comment on how good you look. Doesn’t matter, since whenever you do that "sad face" and the camera pans to your grandfather in the audience, you’re in like Flynn.

In the end, I’m all shook up because this contest has proven that no matter how talented you are, the most deserving person doesn’t always win… well, except for Kelly Clarkson, because no sane person in the world would’ve voted for Sideshow Bob over her.

6 Comments:

Blogger Kevin said...

Holy crap. Sideshow Bob. I thought the same thing all along but never heard anyone else call him that. Great minds think alike. Woo hoo!

May 10, 2006 8:50 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ME TOO - I believe he is the love child of Sideshow Bob and Michael Jackson.

Why do they never have to sing songs from the catalogue of a female singer? I wanna hear the boys belt out Whitney Houston, or Madonna.. or Celine Dion. Or Babs. Or how about Bette Midler.

I also hate how they make them sing songs from someone like Elvis and then compare them to Elvis.

I agree that Elliot is great but I think he will be heading home...

May 10, 2006 9:10 am  
Blogger Knottyboy said...

I'm sorry but I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I thought you were talking about 4 people up for promotion at a Kentucky Fried Chicken. I'm embarrassed...truly ;)
kb

May 10, 2006 10:35 am  
Blogger tornwordo said...

I was sad to see Paris go. And I really hope Taylor goes home. He can't win it anymore than Sideshow Bob could've.

But I always thought he looked like that Mad Magazine character with the big ears.

May 10, 2006 2:19 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

Can I say I wasn't that shocked on the results show?

ESP? Yeah, I kinda knew Smug Sally and Twitchy were going to stay.

When Meat Puppet paired up the final two, I knew Overconfident Chris has his bags packed by the producers and thrown out the AI house.

May 10, 2006 11:40 pm  
Blogger Kevin said...

Yeah. I'm sure America thought he was safe so voted for someone else.

Although honestly, I think his career is better suited OFF of AI despite him being my favorite.

(My blog is broke -- can you fix it?)

May 11, 2006 8:28 am  

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