Riding 32 inches

This isn’t what I want to do. It’s not my thing. But, this Saturday I am moving my body in ways I never knew it could and using certain muscles that shouldn’t be flexed and stretched.

But, it’s all worth it in the end.

**

Within minutes of meeting him, I’m told to get my ass on the back of the pickup truck. The smell is discouraging and the dirty bed is filled with mud and soil.

Climbing over the tailgate, I look at the reason why I’m abandoning all logical thought. The sheer size of it makes my mouth water. Never would I do this in public, but for the right reason, I would give the performance of a lifetime, have a group of senior citizens watch me in amazement and make them take pictures to capture the moment for posterity.

Fuck, am I so desperate that I would sink to that low?

Yes. Yes I am.

With it nestled in the middle of the bed, I squat down, wrap my legs around it, lean back and use my arms for balance by holding onto the siderails. It’s a straining maneuvre for someone who doesn't relinquish control very easily.

I’m in position and the truck begins its course through the city.

As the car swerves through traffic, I smile and wave to the other drivers and pedestrians on the sidewalk. They can’t believe their eyes and turn their heads when I pass by. I am the consumate rodeo wrangler, riding 32 inches like a champion.

Even the Jehovah’s Witnesses are intrigued into joining my religion.

Finally, I arrive home after the long drive. My body aches. There is a pain in my lower back from being hunched over, my arms and shoulders twinge from stretching sidways and backwards, and the muslces in my legs burn form squatting in the same position.

When the truck stops, I get up, take a few steps towards the tailgate, reach back into the bed, pick up my newly-fixed television and take it inside.