Limber (pt. 1)

You have to admire gymnasts for their ability to move their elasticized bodies in every which way without breaking a sweat. Whether they’re tumbling during their floor exercises, flipping in mid air over a pummel horse, or twisting their bodies as they fling themselves up and over the parallel bars, they make flexibility highly attractive.

Aside from their agile talents, part of me finds their gymnastic qualities desirable for other reasons. I feel no shame. There are plenty of people who have freaky things in their closet they probably wouldn’t want to share with the populace. The deviancy is delicious. In fact, you could consider it a Secret Single Behaviour (courtesy The Good Fight episode, Sex and the City).

A SSB can be done anywhere (as long as you have time and right equipment). Past experiences have shown me never to do this in public; it didn’t work to my advantage. Mind you, that doesn’t mean I can’t, but the possibility of encountering the same security guard while performing my duties, legally entitles me not to solicit a repeat performance.

Let me describe a personal SSB for you.

Early in the morning is the best time to do my SSB, and it’s normally in the comforts of my bathroom. In all actualities, it can be done in any room of the house, but if anything gets dirty (like me), the surfaces are easily wipable. Well, that and it’s the only room in the house with a lock on the door. The relevancy of a secret is lost when everyone knows about it.

While inside the privacy of the locked bathroom, I remove every article of clothing and place it on the toilet-seat. After checking several parts of my body to make sure nothing is out of the ordinary, or out of place, I continue.

Opening the lower cabinet, I find it hidden away from the greedy hands of others. There is the device that fills me with fear and total elation. It puts a smirk on my face. No matter how flexible you are, you’re always finding ways to contort your body into Kama Sutraesque poses to ensure a beneficial outcome. Use it incorrectly, and your body reacts negatively. Use it properly, and it’s sheer bliss. You’ll want to enjoy it for hours on end...