I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, December 30, 2005

The joy of receiving (pt. 2)

Oh, did I forget to mention I was opening my niece's gifts?

Of course, she's also opening a few presents of her own. But, since her fingers aren’t as dextrous as an adult's, my sister asks her brother, Uncle Unwrapper, to help out.

My sister pulls out the camera to record this (until the tape is mysteriously re-recorded with footage of the dog taking a funny-looking shit in the yard) since my niece doesn’t understand what’s going on.

She’d rather pull out the tissue paper from bags, throw them in the air, pull out more tissue paper, wave it like a flag and dig inside the bag for more tissue paper. When she doesn’t find any, she dives, head first, into the bag, flips herself around and walks around in circles with a bag on her head.

While my niece continually bumps into the furniture, I continue to unwrap – gently – her gifts. They’re all variations on the same theme: fluffy, furry, soft and small.

All of this cuteness is a little too much for someone who is as bitter as I am. If it wasn’t for the fact that I would have to clean up after myself, I think I would vomit.

Eh, maybe later.

So, after 45 minutes of opening up my niece’s gifts (with all the ribbons and bows in a bag, and wrapping paper folded in a pile), it’s time to open mine.

It doesn’t take long.

I have three gifts. It takes six seconds to open them. Except for two cards and a couple of well wishes, I receive a pair of underwear.

The irony is beyond biblical.

The man who owns every possible article of clothing, gets the one piece he has little use for.

No matter what your age, whatever you receive is a part of the joy of receiving.


Blogger jjd said...

did you have a smile when opening the underwear, and if so, was it real or fake? or did you just remain stoic in the face of such irony?

December 30, 2005 12:22 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

Funny enough, I needed a pair.


So, no fake smiles... I save those for people with bad jokes and bad breath.

December 31, 2005 12:19 am  
Blogger whatsthebuzz said...

Underwear is kind of pitiful though. For me...it's not that I want a ton of gifts. I don't care about what I get...I'm more happy if I find something to give someone else that they REALLY love. I think though, I'd rather just get a card, than something so generalized that it ends up a token gift, just because the giver felt obliged to give something.

January 03, 2006 3:23 am  
Blogger Steven said...

Even though people love to give, they always want a little something back (underwear, or not).

And, those "little" somethings that mean so much to them always cost a fortune.

January 03, 2006 10:29 am  
Anonymous newbie said...

Yo - blog boy! I resent that last one about people always wanting something in return. 'Cept....of course, if I gave you underwear.....I'd wanna see you in it.

And I am a very talented and frugal shopper. Ask anyone. So there.

I woulda sent you a card. I have kind of an addiction, in that area.

So, Merry Christmas, take that. It's your gift. And I don't want nuttin' in return. :-)

January 04, 2006 8:25 pm  

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