I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, January 22, 2007

White light

Developmental psychologists have proven there are more opportunities for bonding with a child if the child is physically closer to an adult, than a mile away. So, while I watch the ‘toons on TV with my niece, I’m usually on the floor with her so she won’t resent me for being emotionally distant when she becomes a teenager.

When I’m on my stomach, she sits on my bum and sometimes stands, balancing herself with me holding onto her hands. When I’m on my back, she sits on my stomach (which is really good, since I can flex my abs to avoid her crushing me).

She also enjoys sitting in the crook of my legs and lying back against my stomach. It’s better than a pillow, and I get to play with her wavy hair.

But, there’s a problem when she starts jumping on Uncle Steven’s lap.

Even though she’s not particularly heavy, one strategically-placed foot on my crotch and I can see white light in a snap. And, she doesn’t stop. It’s up and down. Jump, jump, jump. More and more. Time and time, again.

White light! White light! White light!

As she moves from one leg to another, I try to pick her up and place her on the ground. It doesn’t work. She continues to climb onto my legs and jump on my crotch.

Although I could chastise her for causing a dearth of physical damage to Uncle Steven’s Hummer, developmental psychologists would advise me to do otherwise. Then again, they'd reconsider that notion if they had her jumping on their crotches, too.

10 Comments:

Blogger Sunshine said...

LOL - you had me in stitches. :D

January 22, 2007 2:29 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another moment of my insane jealous as you flexed your abs.

Didn't you know that children are taught to jump on men's crotches by their mothers while still in the womb? It's called revenge.

January 22, 2007 6:32 am  
Blogger savante said...

Hey! She's killing any chances of having a little cousin of her own.

January 22, 2007 8:45 am  
Blogger Christopher said...

You should probably post pics of your crotch, abs, and legs...so that I can assess if there's any damage to these areas...trust me, I'm a doctor...(evil grin)

January 22, 2007 3:43 pm  
Blogger Single Guy said...

That's hilarious. Good to see that you are physical with your niece....

January 22, 2007 5:01 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

pedantic arsehole coming through....

dearth = lack of

sorry, i can't help myself

January 22, 2007 7:14 pm  
Blogger A Lewis said...

Maybe one of those hard plastic cups that go inside of a jock strap would avert damage to the goods. We could play doctor, though, if it would make you feel better.

January 22, 2007 10:46 pm  
Blogger S said...

Anonymous: Oops. I should've written wealth, not dearth.

From now on, you will now be my personal dictionary/thesaurus.

E-mail me with your contact info.

The position is to be filled immediately.

January 22, 2007 11:25 pm  
Blogger Brand New W said...

my toes just curled reading this !

January 23, 2007 1:20 pm  
Blogger Jason said...

Early BDSM?

January 23, 2007 8:46 pm  

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