First time for every freak

From the start to this current point, the date is awkward. There is no other word to describe it. It's one of those situations when one person (i.e. me) tries to hide looks of confusion and exasperation towards the other person (i.e. freak) for most of the time.

We're at my place and it's just odd. Sitting on the couch, trying to get some sort of conversation out of the freak is nearly impossible. It's like there are two different (or possibly more) personalities in that one body.

But, if that isn't the worst of it. The freak has been on a Blackberry for most of the time, texting this, that, and whoever. It's pissing me off.

"If you pick up your phone one more time, I'm going to take it from you and throw it across the room," I say with a touch of menacing laughter.

The device is picked up again and I lunge for it. The freak grabs it first and starts to type. Seriously, if you don't want to be here with me, you should tell me, not ignore me with your stupid phone. Of course, just thinking about that elicits something I wasn't expecting.

My phone starts to beep. It's a text. I look to see who it is. It's from the freak. The freak, who is sitting two feet away from me on the couch, actually texted me. It beeps several times since it's a lengthy message. I try to clear the messages but it doesn't work. I read them rather quickly...

Ok so since i’ve maud everthing super awkawd and feel kinda shirt and stuff .. I hate saying this .. I really like you and want to stay but at the same time I feel scared and not fully safe .. Like as if ya .. Could we postphone this to another weekend it perhaps day .. I guess I’m just a lil bit too scared an I’m not normally like this .. Please don’t hate me .. I’m not this kin of guy .. Just feeling a lot on the down side like I need to think and just be alone .. Dot hate .. yours truly .. [Freak] xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You know what? I'm not going to read this," I say as I put my phone, much to the freak's surprise. But I get the hint. The freak wants to go.

What happens afterwards justifies R's odd behaviour. Let's say it's beyond ugly, saying things to purposely hurt me (I'm more appalled than hurt). Whatever. I'm happy to see it go.

Friends having your back

It's always good to have friends support you in your time of need or crisis. Lucky for me, I have those kinds of people around me even though I don't have too much drama going on in my life.

When I discovered about my situation about LDR (and it all falling apart in a rather ugly way), I ask D his opinions on the subject. Granted, he was at work and couldn't really have a deep and meaningful discussion about the subject, but he managed to send a quick text.

Ahhh babe loves you people who do not see ur amazing are either a) fucked up b) fucked up on drugs or c) useless.

I'd have to agree with him. It was a band-aid solution, of sorts, but it works in situations like these. I could've wallowed in pity, but that's not me; I'm a simmering pot until it eventually boils over. Lucky for me, I have him as a means of support, and I know when shit hits his fan, I am there to help clean it up with a box of handiwipes.