I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Rush rush

The subway station is busy at this hour. Passengers run from the train station, to the token seller, through the turnstiles, and down the escalator to the underground transport. The energy is palpable.

The transfer machine prints out my ticket, and I trot towards the escalators with my briefcase in my hand and the ticket clasped in my teeth.

Before I get there, a young woman cuts in front of me. She stands in the centre of aisle, so no one can pass her. Rude.

The rumble of the subway is heard and the vibrations reverberate through the walls. A strong, hot gust of wind blows though the station, sending hair and lose clothing flying. The train arrives.

As a large group of people run up one escalator, my side waits for this woman to move. She doesn’t. She’s in no rush, unlike the rest of us. The line-up of people behind her grows, and grows impatient. We tap our fingers on the strip of rubber that runs along the sides. We’re all going to miss our ride if she doesn’t move.

Clearly, her telepathy is on the fritz since she can’t hear the thunderous roar of us screaming, Move your bloody ass, you fucking bitch!

She’s also lucky she can’t hear what’s going on in my mind because I’m two seconds away from throwing her off the side of the elevator so everyone can catch the subway before it leaves. Nothing would give me more pleasure than hearing a distinct splat of her ass hitting the hard floor below.

Finally, the escalator reaches the bottom, and she walks – slowly – to the northbound side of the platform. Me, and everyone else, runs to the southbound platform, trying desperately to avoid having the doors slam shut.

No such luck. The doors close and the subway train zooms away. One person manages to fuck it up for the rest of us.

Next time, I’ll push anyone out of the way if they try to cut in front of me. Not for me, but for the other passengers. It’s the only considerate thing to do.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

YEAH! Be a man, and push those people away! When it comes to getting into a subway train it's eachs on its own!
:)

September 21, 2005 4:05 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are always such a "man for the people." God love ya.

You could, ever so politely, ask her, "Have you lost weight?" She smiles, and says, "Why yes, thank you for noticing." You say, "Well - not enough." THEN you push her.

September 21, 2005 8:44 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Accidentally 'goose' her with your briefcase, then point to the guy behind you. Or...yell "Free Donuts!" and look far down the platform, like you have them in your sights! She'll move like a shot!

September 21, 2005 9:26 pm  
Blogger S said...

You are so insightful.

Next time I should put some of those theories into practice.

September 22, 2005 5:47 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's just so much easier to be nasty to someone who is rude themselves, and who you'll probably never see again, lol!

September 22, 2005 1:16 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stick with whatsthebuzz, kid, shes got all kinda interesting ways to commune with her fellow man. Luckily, I'm lucky enough to stand next to her, alot, when she tries them out, under her breath.

Is guffawing out loud, in public, rude?

September 22, 2005 5:28 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home