I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, March 24, 2006

More than a handful is a waste

Victoria Beckham, former Spice Girl and current wife of soccer star David Beckham, once told a reporter that her husband loves her small breasts since David thought “more than a handful is a waste.”

So what does David think of her breasts since she upgraded her cumquats to grapefruits?

I wouldn’t know what his answer would be, although I can certainly assume he’s keeping mum on the whole subject.

Personally, I couldn’t care less about the situation.

Unless, of course, it’s about me.

**

One day, while at the kitchen sink, washing dishes, my sister comes up behind me and squeezes my cheeks.

I almost drop a plate.

“You know, your bum feels a little bigger now. What have you been doing?”

“Uh, nothing.”

“Really? It must be because you’re eating more.”

“That must be it. Whatever I eat, it goes straight to my ass…”

“You know, before you hardly had anything. Now, you can at least grab something…”

**

When I was working crazy hours, I hardly had enough time to eat. Correction, I wasn’t allowed to eat. If I ever placed a fork near my mouth, someone would show up at my desk and wonder why I was eating and not working.

This occurred so often, I became paranoid and started sneaking off when others weren’t looking. I made myself invisible. It was like Anne Frank's family stuck in the attic. If they made any noise, they’d be discovered and killed.

Oh, yeah, right… They were.

Now that I am back to a regular schedule, I have packed on those pounds that I lost, and it seems, most of them went to south of the border, down Mexico way.

It could be worse. I could’ve packed on five pounds per love handle.

Now, that would’ve been a waste.

4 Comments:

Blogger Kevin said...

... and a waist!

I hate the way I carry weight ... ugh.

March 24, 2006 8:15 am  
Blogger Mercury said...

I've also cringed when people tell me either, "wow, you've lost a lot of weight" or conversely, "you've packed on a few pounds." WHY do people say this?

I think we all naturally fluctuate 5-10 lbs at certain points in our lives, depending on stress, exercise and how many cookies are in the cookie jar.

As long as you're healthy, happy and eating fairly decently, don't fret it. Carrying in your butt is indeed not such a bad thing.

March 24, 2006 11:06 am  
Blogger Steven said...

Six: Who loves the weight they carry? I haven't heard of anyone loving the extra 10 holiday pounds they lug around until swimsuit season.

Mercury: I don't mind the butt weight - it's so much more comfortable (no pillow necessary when sitting).

Just stay away from those vegan cookies. Those things have more trans fats than you know.

March 25, 2006 12:36 am  
Blogger Knottyboy said...

I've never been a gym bunny, more like the gibbonesque creature from some sci-fi flic a la Planet of the apes goes Rain forest. Now that I've been on the treadmill for 3 months my ass now closely resembles the ass of a hominid. Good thing, I was beginning to wonder why I had such a thing for grubs.
kb

March 26, 2006 9:49 am  

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