There's a pussy on your finger

It's the birthday of my younger niece, S. My sister's house is filled with well-behaved children and their parents (also well-behaved). I'm hanging out in the kitchen with a group of parentless adults, most of whom are also my friends.

From the outside, enters my older niece, B. She's showing off her new ring. There's a series of oohs and ahhs when she models it off.

"Come over here, B," I say. "Let Uncle see." She stretches her arm towards me and I pick up her wrist. On her ring, there's a small white cat. "Awww... look at that. You have a pussy on your finger."

"Oh my God, Steven," guffaws S, one of my friends. "I can't believe you said that!"

"What?" I say in mock innocence. "It's not like I said worse. Just ask my sister." My sister is in the background and looks at me. Her face says more than words ever could, and those words wouldn't approve of my pussy talk.

As much as I try to diffuse the situation, the rest of the kitchen continues to laugh. No one is forgetting the pussy talk. I can't help it. I'm not going to change my ways just because there are children around. They'll learn about pussies, eventually.

Children are learning about all sorts of smut on television. In fact, Sesame Street did a whole skit on anal beads a couple of weeks back, and that Dora the Explorer showed her cousin, Diego, her G-spot not too long ago.

If my niece doesn't learn about these things from someone she trusts, like her boozy uncle, than she'll learn them from some unsavoury characters on television.