I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Grabbing my ass

Whenever I gain a little bit of weight, it goes to the same places: my cheeks, my legs, my stomach, and my ass. So, it should come to as no surprise to me that I have a fuller figure when I stuff my face with food and booze.

Ever since those pounds have made their way onto my slender frame, people have been grabbing my ass with greater regularity than before. It’s like there’s something to hold onto whereas before they were looking for it in an abyss of skin, muscle and fatty tissue.

I’ve never paid much attention to my ass because it lies behind me (ba rah BUM), and I touch it when it needs to be scratched and/or wiped. The only way I notice when it’s growing in size is if a pair of pants feels more snug than normal in the midsection.

It’s nice to get the occasional compliment when someone grabs my ass. The only downside is my stomach is also patted and rubbed like a Buddha. I mean, come on, I didn't gain that much weight.


Blogger Stephen Chapman... said...

When I put in weight, it goes to my face and chin(s).

Not good.

Perhaps the answer is to keep my weight at a sensible level?!?!? Too obvious eh?!


November 24, 2008 2:01 am  
Blogger JCLL said...

You have to be very concious of your ASSets... They can help you out of many many a sticky situation (no punn intended). However, I also find the tummy patting very unnecessary!!!

November 24, 2008 2:40 am  
Blogger haliaeetusguys said...

I've gained a little weight since starting my day job in February. This involves a lot of sitting and very little movement, so I know what you're talking about. But all that aside, do you mean to say you don't enjoy all that attention you've been getting??? - Volker

November 24, 2008 9:55 am  
Anonymous johnmichael said...

My face bears the grudge of the weight gain. And I hate getting my cheeks pinched.

November 24, 2008 3:08 pm  
Blogger Jay said...

Grabbing you ass sure but you expect me to believe that people rub your tummy?

Unlike your butt, you can see their hands coming and slap them away. Me thinks you like it.

November 24, 2008 5:57 pm  
Anonymous peter said...

So you want to be slim and have a nice grabby ass? Loose weight and buy some undies with some extra 'padding'

November 24, 2008 6:11 pm  
Blogger A Lewis said...

So, do you charge a fee for a pinch of your ass? Or do you do charity work?

November 24, 2008 8:25 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

as long as you can wipe, youre good.

November 24, 2008 11:06 pm  
Blogger Sooo-this-is-me said...

We need ass pictures to be able to comment properly, I'm just saying to help out this post... thats all!

November 25, 2008 11:49 am  
Blogger Monty said...

Yes, I agree, we need a pic to be able to make a considered judgement! :-)

November 26, 2008 10:12 pm  

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