I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Hit the fence

Even though I am a very good driver, today is the first time I ever hit something. True, there have been several times when I have wanted to drive over an old lady or an animal of the feline persuasion, but never have. Mostly, it's because they would get my car dirty.

But, with all the things going on in my head for the past several days, clearly I didn't see it coming.

**

When I run out the door and jump into my car, I turn the key in the ignition and the motor comes to live. After strapping on the seatbelt, I put the car in reverse and put the foot on the gas pedal. The car goes backwards down the driveway.

The next thing I hear is the sound of metal crunching.

"What the...?" I put the transmission in drive and move forward. I jump out of the car the second it comes to a stop.

When I get to the back of the car, I see it but don't want to admit I see it. The fence is bent. My bumper is worse. Left to right, top and down, full of scratches. It wouldn't be noticable if my car was grey, but it's navy blue.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkk." With each fuck, my voice goes lower. I sound like a cross of Barry White and a tuba.

In all the years I've been driving, I have never done something this careless. Never. True, there's a first time for everything, but this is a first I don't want to have.

With my mother's stay in the hospital, the two presentations due for a client, another series of projects, a couple of events, fashion week, celebrity relations, etc. it's no wonder why I didn't see the fence before I hit it.

Still, I wonder what would've happened if I hit a little old lady...

7 Comments:

Blogger A Lewis said...

The more times you say Fuck, the better it gets. And the little old lady? She'd be asking for a fuck.

October 15, 2008 9:22 am  
Blogger Random Thinker said...

you should sue whoever installed that moving fence. I hate it when things move unexpectedly right in front of (or in your case behond) the car.

October 15, 2008 9:36 am  
Blogger Chris said...

Old ladies are 50 points.

October 15, 2008 11:40 am  
Blogger MR style said...

i always love readin your adventures !!! funny man

October 15, 2008 12:14 pm  
Blogger Naijadude said...

I think saying "fuck" helps unnerve!! lol.. There's always a first, my dear!!
Watch out for the Old Lady eh!! Never wanna have a first with that.. hehe

How have u been??

October 15, 2008 3:57 pm  
Anonymous peter said...

If you should hit that old lady unintentionally I think you would pray backwards. And FUCK = Amen.

October 15, 2008 4:36 pm  
Blogger Kevin Is The New Shirley said...

don't feel too badly.
i once backed into a cement pillar in a parking garage--in a RENTAL!

now that was a mess. there was a lot of "fuck"-ing that day.

October 17, 2008 12:34 am  

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