I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Missing the old version of my friend

It's always odd seeing a person change before your eyes. Unless you see them on a regular - and almost daily - basis, changes can appear to be rather sudden. This is like what's happening to my friend XXX.

We've known each other for years and have gone though a lot with each other; whether familial or relationship matters. We were fairly similar and balanced each other out. But, ever since the end of his last relationship, I feel like he's changed. Correction, I know he's changed.

We used to hang out often, and now when I ask him if he has any free time, he's always busy. Even our talks can get strained. Everything is about partying, hooking up with random strangers, pumping up at the gym, going online looking for sex, hitting the clubs all weekend, waking up the next morning with some guy in his bed, and so on.

Basically, he's turned into the typical gay stereotype. I'm all for having fun, but this is a bit much. An identity crisis, perhaps?

Yes, intrinsically, he's still the same person, but... also not. I'm not saying people shouldn't change and grow, but I should've been more specific. I've been somewhat stable throughout the years, but some people might consider that to be boring (even though I'm not). I think it's more about a maturing of the mind, not a matter of making bigger muscles.

Will he ever 'come back' to the world he started out in? Maybe. Or, he could just end up like every cliched gay guy out there who thinks they'll never grow old on the inside while their outsides are playing catch-up with age.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Push and pull

People are hard to read. You think you know what they're thinking of, and yet, you're never really sure. Their words say one thing and their bodies say another.

Even though I'd like to consider myself to be - somewhat - intuitive in gauging their minute reactions, some people are like Tolstoy (i.e. hard to read). But, I'm not the only one who thinks this; after talking to a few friends, they're also experiencing the same thing.

You lean in and they lean in, but maybe not as much. You kiss them and they're not pressing as hard as you'd like. You reach for their hand and they hold it, but don't grasp it hard enough. But, the thing is they don't retreat from your actions. It feels as if your attempts at acting upon your feelings are received half-heartedly. It's such a push and pull mentality.

At least it would be easier if we were all feral beasts, lunging at one another when we're hungry. It's much easier to have someone say they're not interested "in that way" instead of having me wonder if they do. I consider myself to be - somewhat - intelligent, and for someone who likes to have the answers to everything, this is one of those situations that I don't have any.