I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

On my hands and knees

Normally, it’s not the way I spend my Monday nights.

Being on hands and knees is not normal for me. Palms spread out, arms stretched forward and at an unusual angle, back arched, ass in the air, knees touching the hard floor.

The pose is uncomfortable and my muscles are beginning to strain. Back and forth, back and forth, reach forward and pull back, reach forward and pull back. The skin on my hands is turning red from excessive pressure and the skin on my knees is chafing from rubbing against the floor. The human body is not supposed to be able to move in this way. A version of S&M without whips and chains.

A flogger, on the other hand, is always useful to have around.

Making matters worse is that I’m in my kitchen. God forbid if anyone walks in on this. How will I explain myself?

Well, I’ll just say I’m washing the kitchen floor.


Because the oil has a low-burning threshold, and the heat is set on high, when I add something to the pot, fat splatters everywhere. The stove, the counters, the walls, and the floor. Thankfully, it isn't bad. The food is another matter.

The floor is now a mess. Small droplets of gristle covers every surface. Touch something and a print is left behind. Wonderful. Not only do I have to eat a Cajun-inspired meal, but I also have to clean up this mess.

Finding a bucket and a cloth, I fill it with hot water and add a dash of cleaner. Then I start. On my hands and knees. Back and forth, reach forward and pull back. Over and over again.

When it’s all done, I put away the supplies and return to my regularly scheduled program.

After passing by the kitchen to pick up something to snack on, I notice something. Streaks. Passing a finger over the tiles, I notice they're still greasy. Shit. The time I spent on my hands and knees was for naught.

Back to being on all fours.

Argh! The pain I go through for a squaky-clean floor.


Blogger whatsthebuzz said...

You'd think cleaning up after a fried food mess, would burn as many calories as eating it. Oh well, at least it's less embarassing than falling on your ass from slipping on grease. Interesting visual by the way, lol! I had a similar experience the other day, when I scrubbed the floor like that and my shoes stuck to it after I was done. Too much floor cleaner, not enough water, so I had to rinse it, TWICE. ARGH!

November 03, 2005 12:58 pm  
Anonymous newbie said...

You people actually wash your floors? I thought that was kinda a journal of what you had eaten. Easier than writing it down. And delightful when people with dogs come to visit.

November 03, 2005 10:02 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmmm...your mastery with sexual puns never ceases to amaze... "dick" and now "on my hands and knees"?
When can I look forward to a post on "facials"...?

November 03, 2005 10:13 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

Mom, is that you?

November 04, 2005 11:11 am  
Blogger whatsthebuzz said...

If that's 'Mom', you must come by it honest,(wink)!

November 04, 2005 1:19 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

It could be her.

She's always talking about facial creams...

November 04, 2005 5:17 pm  
Anonymous newbie said...

Now, just STOP it with the "Mom" stuff. You're gonna ruin my fantasy of a gorgeous man, on his hands and knees, cleaning my floor.

Now, give your Mama a kiss, and take away her access.

November 06, 2005 10:30 am  

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