We will rock you
Upon hearing that the American Idol hopefuls were to sing the songs of Queen, one of the most famous rock bands of all time, I knew this would result in one of two outcomes: the singers would either blow you away, or they would blow, period.
Wondering who would sing We are the champions, was getting me excited. The delight of having someone massacre that song in front of more than 30 million people (and several more online) is enough to make my nipples hard.
Trying to imitate (and never duplicate) the vocal stylings of Freddie Mercury is one of the hardest things to do. With a range verging on operatic, it’s all about hitting the low notes and the high screeches.
Who will rock? Who will roll?
Let’s get on with the show …
Bucktooth boy - Fat-bottomed girls. Should I bother to say anything? You will stay on the show for another few weeks, singing about life in the country, your animals and the girl that broke your heart for her first cousin, while a slew of better singers will be tossed like my cookies.
Young blue eyes – We will rock you. Sadly, you didn’t. Your voice and range isn't made for this kind of music. It's not strong enough. You’re the sensitive guy with a guitar and piano in the background. James Blunt/Daniel Powter, meet your newest group member.
Bleach job Barbie – Bohemian rhapsody. When I heard you were singing this song, I thought this will be the highlight of craptastic entertainment. Yet, I was wrong. The spotlight, the hair and makeup, the black leather and the Stevie Nicks singing made me want to take a cold shower after you finished with your performance.
Rocker man - Innuendo. Except for the eyeliner, the facial scruff, the strobe lights (which give me migraines) and the two really sharp notes you didn’t hit, it was still good. The song wasn’t great, but you still rock.
Miss Clairol - Who wants to live forever? As her beautiful hair framed her smoky eyes, and the red satin top clung to her curvy frame, she stood on the stage and sang her song with too many off-pitch notes. It’s unfortunate, because she’s the best female singer on the show.
Hey, Mr. DJ – Somebody to love. True, there were some off spots, but he wasn’t the only one. Was it one of the better performances of the night? Undoubtedly. I’m sure he found somebody to love while he was singing.
Spazzy McSpaz – Crazy little thing called love. Simon was right when he said it looked like you were drunk. No sober person would do what you did. Everything was wrong: the song, the clothes, the dancing. And, don’t get me started on the microphone kicking (or lack, thereof). Jesus, what were you thinking?
Farrah – The show must go on. She can sing, she can dance, she can do a hairwhip. Can she rock? Eh. But, she can sing.
In the end, did they rock? Not so much. Did they roll? More often than not.
Did they suck? Ask Ryan Seacrest. He knows about sucking.
Wondering who would sing We are the champions, was getting me excited. The delight of having someone massacre that song in front of more than 30 million people (and several more online) is enough to make my nipples hard.
Trying to imitate (and never duplicate) the vocal stylings of Freddie Mercury is one of the hardest things to do. With a range verging on operatic, it’s all about hitting the low notes and the high screeches.
Who will rock? Who will roll?
Let’s get on with the show …
Bucktooth boy - Fat-bottomed girls. Should I bother to say anything? You will stay on the show for another few weeks, singing about life in the country, your animals and the girl that broke your heart for her first cousin, while a slew of better singers will be tossed like my cookies.
Young blue eyes – We will rock you. Sadly, you didn’t. Your voice and range isn't made for this kind of music. It's not strong enough. You’re the sensitive guy with a guitar and piano in the background. James Blunt/Daniel Powter, meet your newest group member.
Bleach job Barbie – Bohemian rhapsody. When I heard you were singing this song, I thought this will be the highlight of craptastic entertainment. Yet, I was wrong. The spotlight, the hair and makeup, the black leather and the Stevie Nicks singing made me want to take a cold shower after you finished with your performance.
Rocker man - Innuendo. Except for the eyeliner, the facial scruff, the strobe lights (which give me migraines) and the two really sharp notes you didn’t hit, it was still good. The song wasn’t great, but you still rock.
Miss Clairol - Who wants to live forever? As her beautiful hair framed her smoky eyes, and the red satin top clung to her curvy frame, she stood on the stage and sang her song with too many off-pitch notes. It’s unfortunate, because she’s the best female singer on the show.
Hey, Mr. DJ – Somebody to love. True, there were some off spots, but he wasn’t the only one. Was it one of the better performances of the night? Undoubtedly. I’m sure he found somebody to love while he was singing.
Spazzy McSpaz – Crazy little thing called love. Simon was right when he said it looked like you were drunk. No sober person would do what you did. Everything was wrong: the song, the clothes, the dancing. And, don’t get me started on the microphone kicking (or lack, thereof). Jesus, what were you thinking?
Farrah – The show must go on. She can sing, she can dance, she can do a hairwhip. Can she rock? Eh. But, she can sing.
In the end, did they rock? Not so much. Did they roll? More often than not.
Did they suck? Ask Ryan Seacrest. He knows about sucking.
Authored by S at 12:00 am
10 Comments:
I agree with your thoughts in most cases.
As much as you dislike Ace, he DID try to get them to adapt thge song to fit his style (as everyone has done on past shows) but Queen would not do it. When you are forced to sing something not in your style, you have limited options.
Don't worry, he'll probably get voted off tonite anyway.
Six: I don't hate him. I think he chose an iconic rock song and didn't sing it well.
His voice is better suited to the plucky guitar, sentimental love ballad kind of music.
I never said you hated him. But you do keep lumping him in the talentless pretty boy category along with your other favorites (James Blunt, John Mayer, etc.).
I can't help it. He's dreamy. And the way he looks right at ME through the TV ... *melt*
;)
I was surprised by Pickler too, I was expecting to mock it bitterly, but instead thought she pulled it off.
Yes, Pickler. But I question her authenticity. During that number there seemed to be a lot more depth going on behind her eyes than when she pulls nuggets out like "On paper? I don't understand him. Must be the accent."
Or "Look, it's a pickle." That one still kills me.
Six: I have been equally critical of everyone - Bucktooth and Pickle are a given, but even Catherine and Elliott haven't escaped my "reviews" of their performances.
It's all good. I'm not condemning you. I'll shut up now.
You hit the nail on the head on just about ever one of them. Even though I thought Spazzy McSpaz was highly entertaining (kind of like watching a cat cough up a furball) and I CAN'T STAND Miss Clairol. She just gives off an evil bitch vibe. Rocker Man was did it for me this week. He ROCKED! (And he's hot as shit too.)
Axe totally sucked. he should never have attempted that song. he would have been better off with Love of My Life, or My best Friend whihc would have played to his falsetto talents. I hope he leavse soon.
You crack me up.
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