I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Fugly fucking

Let’s talk about sex, shall we?

It’s seems to be everywhere: on television, radio, Internet, inside, outside, even in outer space. You can’t escape it. It’s all around you.

Not surprisingly, one of the most prevalent places to find sex is online. Perusing through the Web, you’ll find more kinds of sex than you’ll find addicts at Promises in Malibu. Millions of sites exist with every kind of fetish available. Photos, films, and an endless list of products are right at your fingertips.

Unfortunately, after a while, what was originally entertaining, begins to look and sound the same.

Fantasies are situated in exotic locals, with lighting which hides stretch-marks and cellulite, everyone is a willing nymphomaniac (with no gag-reflex), model-perfect with a gym-sculpted body. Sometimes there are three or four partners (if not more) in endless orgies where everyone knows how to use every part of their body in every position known to man (and even some just discovered).

Naturally, it all ends with earth-shattering orgasms, a cigarette and afterglow.

In other words, a Jackie Collins novel and sports page in one tidy package.

But, having too much of something gets old, stale and tasteless, like chocolate that has been around since the Nixon administration.

And, like Tricky Dick's people, I also think they're a pack of liars.

There must be another - more realistic - side to this. The side where things aren’t always perfect, where things go seriously wrong, tragically hilarious and really, really ugly.

I want to hear stories where fucking isn’t on Frette sheets, people aren't perfect, have a little flab and unnecessary body hair. There are smells and inappropriate bodily functions, and people hurt themselves attempting to recreate positions in the Kama Sutra because no one knows what they’re doing.

Instead of having them come, you’d rather see them go.

Now, that's entertaining.

There is a lot more that I can write about, but it would get too graphic. And, I’m not that kind of guy who likes to go there.

4 Comments:

Blogger Kevin said...

I like to be the one to leave your first comment -- but I have nothing to add today.

:(

July 28, 2006 9:17 am  
Blogger tornwordo said...

A new reality show! The biggest loser does the kama sutra!

Brilliant.

July 28, 2006 10:06 am  
Blogger Steven said...

Six: You got the first comment. You win!

Torn: Your comment made me want to change the title of the post (which I did).

It's like a car wreck - so tragic you can't help but watch.

July 28, 2006 12:55 pm  
Blogger Kevin said...

Well then, start your cameras rolling anytime I try to put my moves on someone. That can't be pretty.

July 28, 2006 1:44 pm  

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