Quote unquote

As my friend V and I being our walking tour of Nuit Blanche, Toronto’s all-night art extravaganza, I make a suggestion that we pass through the Ryerson campus on our way to Church Street’s “red light district” installation.

While turning the corner, we see low-slung fog. It’s emanating from the large pond that’s part of the school’s landscaping. There is a set of lights, pointing towards the man-made water feature, focusing on a series of white sculptures. On closer inspection, the sculptures are toilets, and the fog is a mist that slowly erupts from the bowls.

Before you can say Kodak, both of us pull out our cameras. Click.

When we get to the middle of the exhibit, a gentlemen in a khaki vest and outback-styled hat walks up to us, and begins asking a few questions. As it turns out, he’s a journalist for one of Canada’s national newspapers. He wants to interview us about the exhibit, and see what we think about Nuit Blanche.

Being a naturally witty person who comes up with snappy one-liners the way Dane Cook comes up with new ways to irritate millions of those with sight and hearing capabilities, I whip out a few things that makes the journalist laugh out loud. V comes up with a few good ones, too.

“That’s a good one,” he says as he scribbles down the quote.

Deep inside, I feel like I’m making Sidney Sheldon proud.

He asks us for our names, ages, and occupations, and when he’s done, he thanks us and goes on his way. V and I are laughing out loud.

Did this really happen? This is ridiculous, I'm thinking to myself.

“Tomorrow, I’m going to check online to see if they actually used our quotes,” she says.

“Oh yeah, I’m going to Google my name tomorrow,” I reply.

At the end of the night, I drive her back to her place and we mention that we both plan on checking the papers in the morning to see whether or not the journalist has the balls to use our quotes.

**

After I’m done checking my e-mail, I surf the Web to look for news on Nuit Blanche. I find the site that the journalist works for and search for any information.

In the only article about last night’s event, there’s only one article…

Getting a handle on Nuit Blanche – a swirling display of toilets gets things underway

Annick Mitchell and Colin Ripley had no trouble flushing out interest in their plumbing display on a pond at Ryerson University last night.

But it's not often you see a dozen mist-covered "politically correct" flood-lit toilets.

"Lo and behold, we have smoking toilets," said Steven X...

Immediately, I stop reading.

I can’t believe he did it! He’s added on a few years to my age! Now millions of people will think I’m older than what I pretend to be. Fuck. What a bastard!

I'm going to demand a retraction.