I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Quote unquote

As my friend V and I being our walking tour of Nuit Blanche, Toronto’s all-night art extravaganza, I make a suggestion that we pass through the Ryerson campus on our way to Church Street’s “red light district” installation.

While turning the corner, we see low-slung fog. It’s emanating from the large pond that’s part of the school’s landscaping. There is a set of lights, pointing towards the man-made water feature, focusing on a series of white sculptures. On closer inspection, the sculptures are toilets, and the fog is a mist that slowly erupts from the bowls.

Before you can say Kodak, both of us pull out our cameras. Click.

When we get to the middle of the exhibit, a gentlemen in a khaki vest and outback-styled hat walks up to us, and begins asking a few questions. As it turns out, he’s a journalist for one of Canada’s national newspapers. He wants to interview us about the exhibit, and see what we think about Nuit Blanche.

Being a naturally witty person who comes up with snappy one-liners the way Dane Cook comes up with new ways to irritate millions of those with sight and hearing capabilities, I whip out a few things that makes the journalist laugh out loud. V comes up with a few good ones, too.

“That’s a good one,” he says as he scribbles down the quote.

Deep inside, I feel like I’m making Sidney Sheldon proud.

He asks us for our names, ages, and occupations, and when he’s done, he thanks us and goes on his way. V and I are laughing out loud.

Did this really happen? This is ridiculous, I'm thinking to myself.

“Tomorrow, I’m going to check online to see if they actually used our quotes,” she says.

“Oh yeah, I’m going to Google my name tomorrow,” I reply.

At the end of the night, I drive her back to her place and we mention that we both plan on checking the papers in the morning to see whether or not the journalist has the balls to use our quotes.


After I’m done checking my e-mail, I surf the Web to look for news on Nuit Blanche. I find the site that the journalist works for and search for any information.

In the only article about last night’s event, there’s only one article…

Getting a handle on Nuit Blanche – a swirling display of toilets gets things underway

Annick Mitchell and Colin Ripley had no trouble flushing out interest in their plumbing display on a pond at Ryerson University last night.

But it's not often you see a dozen mist-covered "politically correct" flood-lit toilets.

"Lo and behold, we have smoking toilets," said Steven X...

Immediately, I stop reading.

I can’t believe he did it! He’s added on a few years to my age! Now millions of people will think I’m older than what I pretend to be. Fuck. What a bastard!

I'm going to demand a retraction.


Blogger Lewis said...

Ahh, but alas! You should be honored to be counted among the ranks of those of us who are a bit older than the rest of you hunky youngsters. You can join my club anyday, friend.

October 01, 2007 10:59 am  
Blogger Chris said...

This could mean one of two things, Blanche:

a) the reporter is jealous that he'll never be as witty as you are


b) you forgot to tip him

October 01, 2007 11:17 am  
Blogger Naijadude said...

Ooh so you are that old?? 29?? wow! LOL

I miss Toronto! :(

October 01, 2007 12:11 pm  
Blogger Random Thinker said...

geez louise... 25, 27, 29? what's the big deal... wait til the 30s, 40s....

you'll look back and laugh!

October 01, 2007 2:53 pm  
Blogger hot-lunch said...

that sounds like a fun event! similar to Vancouver's SWARM ( an evening art gallery hop)...

October 01, 2007 3:48 pm  
Blogger nikki said...

poor steven...

on the upside, you can have those wrinkles surgically removed, although i think the sagging scrotum is just something you'll have to live with...

October 01, 2007 6:02 pm  
Blogger DavisMcDavis said...

I've been 28 for my last 6 birthdays, and I'm sad to hear you will not be able to keep up a similar ruse now that you've been exposed in the papers to be an ancient, almost-30, practically middle-aged 29.

There's one thing that's for certain, though - in 10 years you're going to think 29 is super young, and then I'm going to laaaugh...because I'll still be 28.

That is all.

October 02, 2007 2:39 pm  
Blogger IT IS WHAT IT IS said...


October 06, 2007 10:23 pm  

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