I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Losing weight while asleep

With all of the diets that exist (and the ones being created on an almost weekly basis), it’s difficult for those who want to lose a few pounds to find the right plan that will work for them.

Just like everything else in my life, I have discovered the perfect diet by accident. Sadly, it's not the Hollywood Cookie Diet; I found out the hard way that you can't substitute Chips Ahoy for their stale pieces of fibrous cardboard.

The five simple steps to effective weight loss are:

- Work erratic hours
- Be busy all day
- Get home late
- Skip dinner
- Crash into bed

This diet is so successful that I’ve lost two pounds in one week. I haven’t weighed this when I was 10 years old. If I say the number, I'll have a group of people telling me I’m too thin – but they’re jealous, so whatever.

Due to this, I also don’t need to exercise. There is little fat around my pork loins, and my abs are prominent. I could post a half-naked picture, but that would be rude of me. Why rub my body in the face of others? I mean, only if they’re paying me like they used to.

Try the sleeping diet - it’s fast, effective, and it can be done while unconscious. Sound like the best way to shed those pesky pounds.


Blogger Shirley Heezgay! said...

i've got the "chicken on the counter" diet.

leave chicken out to thaw on the counter for 3 days, cook, then eat.

the pounds will just melt away.

March 27, 2008 11:58 pm  
Blogger Shirley Heezgay! said...

*note! you can substitute the chicken with shrimp if you prefer seafood.

March 27, 2008 11:58 pm  
Blogger Victor said...

Don't fear being rude. Go ahead and post a picture of your loins. We bloggers won't mind.

March 28, 2008 2:35 am  
Blogger about a boy said...

show me those abs!

March 28, 2008 9:07 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah...let's see the pic. that is not being rude since we asked for it.

March 28, 2008 10:14 am  
Blogger Mike said...

Daily rides on the germ incubator known as the A train also does wonders!

March 28, 2008 1:14 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

personally, for me the best way to loose weight has always been the flu. guaranteed for 10 pounds.

March 29, 2008 2:01 am  
Blogger john said...

I am really jealous that you were able to lose weight that way!

March 29, 2008 5:51 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's see - a bunch of diets where you get violently ill or you work like a dog and don't have enough time for a good decent meal.

Guess I'll have to stick with exercising and then trying to eat healthy - as if that is going to happen!

March 30, 2008 11:08 pm  
Blogger Phronk said...

Such a good diet. If only people realized that it takes time to get fat. No free time = no eating = health and success.

March 31, 2008 7:47 pm  
Anonymous Weight Loss Program said...

interesting methodology although i have read something similar,i think it was more of a sleep the same amount of hrs every night for 10 weeks kind of diet, rather than not eat dinner...

June 28, 2009 12:08 am  
Anonymous Auto 1 said...

different approach thats for sure...

June 28, 2009 12:48 am  
Anonymous Nissan 4x4 said...

Lol.... probably not the healthiest alternative but worth a try...

June 28, 2009 1:26 am  

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