Losing weight while asleep

With all of the diets that exist (and the ones being created on an almost weekly basis), it’s difficult for those who want to lose a few pounds to find the right plan that will work for them.

Just like everything else in my life, I have discovered the perfect diet by accident. Sadly, it's not the Hollywood Cookie Diet; I found out the hard way that you can't substitute Chips Ahoy for their stale pieces of fibrous cardboard.

The five simple steps to effective weight loss are:

- Work erratic hours
- Be busy all day
- Get home late
- Skip dinner
- Crash into bed

This diet is so successful that I’ve lost two pounds in one week. I haven’t weighed this when I was 10 years old. If I say the number, I'll have a group of people telling me I’m too thin – but they’re jealous, so whatever.

Due to this, I also don’t need to exercise. There is little fat around my pork loins, and my abs are prominent. I could post a half-naked picture, but that would be rude of me. Why rub my body in the face of others? I mean, only if they’re paying me like they used to.

Try the sleeping diet - it’s fast, effective, and it can be done while unconscious. Sound like the best way to shed those pesky pounds.