I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

When I close my eyes at night

It’s nighttime. The day is over and it’s time to go to sleep. The sheets are turned, and I’m settled in, between two layers of crisp whiteness. By the time my head hits the pillow and I turn off the light, I lie still in the darkness for a few minutes until I close my eyes.

But, I can’t sleep.

Night after night, I think of D. Since we last met in December, D has been off the radar. I tried to reach out, to no avail. No phone service. No text messages. No e-mail. Is D mad at me? Is D pissed at me? There wasn’t anything wrong when we were together, or maybe there was and I didn’t see it.

Still, every night, before I fall asleep, I think of D. I worry. Being someone who finds refuge in spirituality during hard times, I pray for things to be ok. Beside that, there’s nothing I can do. You can’t find someone who isn’t there, or who doesn’t want to be found.

On Sunday I get a call. As I look at the display, I see it’s D. Quickly, I pick up and hear his voice on the other end. His first phrase sounds like a question, as if he isn’t sure about something, and I’m taken back to the first time we talked on the phone. For the first time in one month, I smile, knowing he’s alive.

That night, when I’m settled in between two layers of crisp whiteness, my head hits the pillow and I turn off the light, I lie still in the darkness for a few minutes until I close my eyes.

And, I fall asleep.

2 Comments:

Blogger joe*to*hell said...

thats so well written

March 17, 2008 11:27 pm  
Blogger Greg said...

Hmmmm... So I take it you still are in love with D? Or you just wanted to hear his voice?

Or are you just winging it like usual? lol

March 24, 2008 1:33 am  

Post a Comment

<< Home