I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Unrealistic in the real world

Known as the doyenne of domesticity, Martha Stewart created a billion-dollar empire out of S&M: sweeping and mopping. No one ever expected keeping your house running efficiently would be enough to make you rich, but she had other ideas.

From her daily talk show to her magazines, everything is perfect. Nothing is out of place, or incorrectly measured. The linens are ironed to eliminate unsightly creases. And, I’m pretty sure her shit smells like lavender.

Herein lies the problem: she can’t accomplish any of this without a staff of several hundred people. It's unrealistic in the real world.

Even if she didn’t have several homes and successful business, she wouldn’t have enough time to do half of the things she inspires others to do. It’s impossible. It took me almost a month to go through and clip five years worth of magazines for interesting articles. It would’ve taken less time, but I had other things to do.

There are even days where I get home at 9:30 p.m. and I still have things to do, only to go to bed in an exhausted heap of worries because I have to do it all the next day. And, no one can do my work for me (because no one wants to). Sometimes I even wonder if there's any point in wiping my ass.

Scarily enough, if you throw in a spouse, children, pets, and the occasional in-law into the mix, then you wouldn’t be able to do anything. God forbid if you didn’t have a lock on the bathroom door, or else people would be walking in to ask if you’ve made dinner while you’re shampooing your hair.

I so need a series of minions to work for me… for free.


Blogger about a boy said...

the for free part is key!

how does martha do it with only 46 servants.

March 19, 2008 9:11 am  
Blogger Lewis said...

Sorry, can't help you today.....I'm the dude with the "spouse, children, pets, and the occasional in-law...."
And, you're spot on...it's quite a balancing act to keep it all looking pretty. Most days, i don't do a very good job.

March 19, 2008 11:48 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i heard she tried to have her place at Turkey Hill declared a farm so that she wouldn't have to pay her gardening staff overtime. She sooo has a pair!! I'm still waiting for the nephews to be just a little bit older. then they can come over to "help" every weekend!!

March 19, 2008 11:12 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, if you're in bed by 9:30PM or so, how is it ALL of posts are at 12:00AM?

Do you awaken just before mid-night in order to post, then retire for another x hours sleep?

And how do you post at 12:00AM from a hook-up's nieces bedroom?

Inquiring minds want to know.

March 20, 2008 5:29 pm  
Blogger Victor said...

I need someone to have sex for me because I sure as heck ain't doing it.

March 20, 2008 8:34 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL Victor!
I'll volunteer, and then ask Steven to actually perform the task, when he's got the time.

March 24, 2008 1:31 am  

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