I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Whistling Dixie

There are many unpleasant things in the world that people have to live with. Whether they’re violent criminals, environmental problems, or Elisabeth Hasselbeck, you hope you don’t come across it when you’re already having a bad day.

So, it should come to my horror when I come across something so sinister, it makes me never want to walk into a bathroom ever again.

Not too long ago, while sitting on the porcelain throne, I start to hear whistling. Short peeps that eventually became long stretches of musical mumblings. Where is that sound coming from? Is it outside? Is it inside? Is it in the loo?

When it happens again, I realize it’s coming from under me. The toilet is whistling. It’s bad enough I have a shower that squeals like Mariah Carey doing her bird calls while on Red Bull, but now the throne whistles while I’m sitting on it.

True, I could finish my business quickly, but I decide not to. I like to take my time in there. Normally, I bring some reading material because I never have more than 10 minutes to myself during the day (unless I’m asleep, but that doesn’t count). Well, that and the loo is the only room with a lock on the door. No one ever wants to come inside when the door is shut.

So, while I’m reading the paper, the loo is whistling Whistling Dixie. I can live with it for a minute, but it becomes unpleasant after 10 minutes (although not as irritating as Elisabeth Hasselbeck). Sadly, there’s nowhere else I can read the paper.


Blogger Cooper said...

Um, I know this is gross to suggest, but did you consider the possibility that it wasn't the toilet that was whistling down there?

April 28, 2008 9:58 am  
Blogger Phronk said...

You just need to teach it some good songs. With some nice background reading music, that could be quite pleasant.

And I wouldn't mind if Elisabeth Hasselbeck joined me in the bathroom. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

April 28, 2008 12:23 pm  
Blogger Lewis said...

I think the only thing worse would be Elisabeth in the loo with you whistling Dixie. That nearly makes my stomach turn.

April 28, 2008 5:39 pm  

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