I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Dead bed head

The morning I wake up…

Every morning, I go through the same series of steps in order to get myself ready. After rolling out of bed, I feel my way towards the bathroom - eyes still closed - and do my business.

When it’s time to wash my face at the sink, I tilt my head up, squint open one eye and look up at the mirror.

The horror! Oh, the horror!

The follicles on my head have planned a vendetta against me and made my hair stick straight up. It resembles the Bride of Frankenstein. Total dead bed head.

It’s flat on the sides, but vertical on the front and back. There are no waves and no curls. It’s just flat.

For someone who lies in bed face down on the mattress, does the dead man’s float pose (face down spread eagle) and doesn’t use a pillow, only my clothes and face should be lined with wrinkles. Instead, my hair is a set of freaky, planar lines.

Even when the hair is done from the night before, loaded with product, it still looks like this every morning.

After performing my morning hair constitution (water, product, brush/comb, hat to smooth any unruly curls), I’m ready to start my day.

Fuck. There are some days I wish I was bald since I wouldn’t look like a horror movie come to life before breakfast.

8 Comments:

Blogger Lemuel said...

So... you'd really rather look like Uncle Fester (like some of us do)? Talk about the horror!

November 29, 2006 6:21 am  
Blogger tornwordo said...

No pillow for me either.

November 29, 2006 7:46 am  
Blogger Kevin said...

Maybe it's bed head to go with those bedroom eyes of yours ...

November 29, 2006 9:15 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

you need to worsh it.

November 29, 2006 9:26 am  
Blogger Salem said...

Scary mornings. It'll get better if you end up needing glasses. Then just don't put them on right away.

November 29, 2006 10:43 am  
Blogger madamerouge said...

at least you've got hair

November 29, 2006 11:14 am  
Blogger Lewis said...

Good thing I'm totally into bed head....Something about the unruly, messed-up, look that really makes me turn my head and look. I don't know what it is.....the alter ego rearing it's ugly head.

December 02, 2006 1:59 pm  
Anonymous Glenn said...

I'm surprised no one has commented on the face-down-spread-eagle thing.

December 02, 2006 10:39 pm  

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