I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Part-time stripper

There’s music in the background. A light thumping sound and a bassline. It’s enough to make anyone move their bodies… so I accept the invitation.

Due to the small space, the moves are nothing if not restricting. There are reaches, arms moving up and down, side to side, squats and lunges, forward and back. I have to do the best I can with what I have.

Out of nowhere, I hear something that breaks my concentration.

“Take it off!”

The three most disconcerting words for anyone to hear, especially when they’re coming from that said person’s mother. A small shiver runs up my spine.

As I continue, more and more people come to see what's going on. They're my mother’s friends. She begins to tell them how well I’m doing and how I should do it more often. Apparently, I'm good.

“I wish my husband could do that,” says one.

“My kid doesn’t have the talent,” says another.

“Can your son come over to my house and do the same thing?” asks a third.

Suddenly, my mother is a pimp and I’m her whore.

When I’m done (and a few numbers are exchanged), I’m spent. My muscles hurt, top to bottom, and my body is covered with a layer of sweat. This is something I don’t plan on doing on a regular basis... especially with this audience.

Note: For a booking, please contact my mother.


Blogger Shaney said...

Hmm ok but before I call your Mother can I have a preview....*winks*

November 27, 2006 5:54 am  
Blogger savante said...

Good God. YOu gotta be kidding, right?

November 27, 2006 9:50 am  
Blogger liquid said...

ok, I'm sure your strip tease was nice to watch and all, but in front of your Mom? You realise you've just committed yourself to thousands of dollars of therapy...

November 27, 2006 10:51 am  
Blogger your judgemental aunt said...


November 27, 2006 12:29 pm  
Blogger Pablo said...

Are you from Tennessee?

November 27, 2006 1:52 pm  
Anonymous Jason said...

Um...ok. That's different.

November 27, 2006 1:57 pm  
Blogger madamerouge said...

You totally have a stripper pole in your rec room, don't you?

Family fun for everyone!

November 27, 2006 9:43 pm  
Blogger Not so Single Guy said...

yes..I think a preview is an order....come on!

November 27, 2006 10:45 pm  
Blogger Kevin said...

So did you get all the paint off?

November 28, 2006 9:44 am  
Blogger brenton said...

did this really happen?

December 01, 2006 1:02 am  
Blogger Lewis said...

I'm with Brenton on this.....did this REALLY happen? And Tennessee (or Alabama) could be right too......Are you sure you're mom is really your mom? Or could it be your second or third cousin? And did your mom remember you from the neck down?

December 02, 2006 2:02 pm  

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