The Church of Scientology wants you!
If you turn on the TV, flip a page in a magazine, listen to the radio, or walk along the sidewalk, there will always be someone hawking religion. From Christians to Muslims, they’re all persistent in their pragmatic ploys, like they’ve got too much time on their hands.
Didn’t anyone ever tell them idle hands are a sign of the devil?
Anyway, seeing as I’m bored, I decide to try out some religious rhetoric and call T to start off my weekend on a high point.
After I dial the number and the phone rings a few times, I go over a few lines in my head. So that I won’t break character, I remind myself to stay calm and not laugh.
"Hi!" I say in a chipper tone after T picks up. "Could I speak with T, please?"
"This is," answers T.
“Hi, my name is Thomas and I’m calling from the Church of Scientology. How are you doing today?”
“Uh. Good?” T sounds a little weary.
“That’s great! I was just calling to see whether you’d be interested in joining our religion. I had some information passed my way, saying you were wondering about Scientology and I am giving you call to see if you were still interested.”
“Uh…” There’s an uncomfortable pause. I can only imagine what’s going through T’s mind.
“T, I’m kidding,” I break character and begin to laugh. “This is Steven. You know, Steven." I let my name sink in for a few seconds. "I’m not from the Church of Scientology. I was just joking.”
“Oh my God,” T laughs. He goes on to say that he went on some religious sites, and thought they were now coming after him.
“I hope not,” I say. “Anyway, I had this whole spiel planned out. I was going to invite you to a private wedding ceremony from one of our most famous members, happening next weekend, blah blah blah. And, if you were really good, you would be one of the very, very best men. Hint, hint.”
“That is too funny,” T says in between laughs.
“I know. I think I spent more time on this than I should have, huh?”
After we finish our conversation, I sent T a note in a follow-up e-mail that asks if he’s interested in coming to a Scientology seminar on the weekend.
Clearly, like all of those religious nuts that are tough to crack, I have a lot of free time on my hands - it’s the only way to free myself from going straight to hell.
Didn’t anyone ever tell them idle hands are a sign of the devil?
Anyway, seeing as I’m bored, I decide to try out some religious rhetoric and call T to start off my weekend on a high point.
After I dial the number and the phone rings a few times, I go over a few lines in my head. So that I won’t break character, I remind myself to stay calm and not laugh.
"Hi!" I say in a chipper tone after T picks up. "Could I speak with T, please?"
"This is," answers T.
“Hi, my name is Thomas and I’m calling from the Church of Scientology. How are you doing today?”
“Uh. Good?” T sounds a little weary.
“That’s great! I was just calling to see whether you’d be interested in joining our religion. I had some information passed my way, saying you were wondering about Scientology and I am giving you call to see if you were still interested.”
“Uh…” There’s an uncomfortable pause. I can only imagine what’s going through T’s mind.
“T, I’m kidding,” I break character and begin to laugh. “This is Steven. You know, Steven." I let my name sink in for a few seconds. "I’m not from the Church of Scientology. I was just joking.”
“Oh my God,” T laughs. He goes on to say that he went on some religious sites, and thought they were now coming after him.
“I hope not,” I say. “Anyway, I had this whole spiel planned out. I was going to invite you to a private wedding ceremony from one of our most famous members, happening next weekend, blah blah blah. And, if you were really good, you would be one of the very, very best men. Hint, hint.”
“That is too funny,” T says in between laughs.
“I know. I think I spent more time on this than I should have, huh?”
After we finish our conversation, I sent T a note in a follow-up e-mail that asks if he’s interested in coming to a Scientology seminar on the weekend.
Clearly, like all of those religious nuts that are tough to crack, I have a lot of free time on my hands - it’s the only way to free myself from going straight to hell.
Authored by S at 12:00 am
7 Comments:
"God'll get you for that!" **grin** (It's a line from an old comedy character [by Flip Wilson as I recall].)
Jesus loves you Steven.
(wink!)
nice post!
I think I might have hung up.
You're still going to go to a meeting? Well at least that have good eats and you should have a plethora of blogger fodder. Take your camera phone if you see someone famous jumping on the couch.
kb
maybe you'd like to stop by for a stress test? bring your visa!
T.C.
Lemuel: I know, I'm SO going to hell.
Timmy: Jesus loves you, too!
Salem: I'm surprised he didn't hang up sooner.
Liquid: I can't stand them either - and they always call when I'm eating!
KB: They feed their people well. I mean, look at John Travolta.
Anon (T.C.): A stress test? Is that what they call a conversion?
And, who is T.C.? I have a few names that fill the bill, but I don't want to make any assumptions.
I can see body thetans all over you...
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