Saving grace to self-efface
There are certain unapproved behaviours that are typically accepted as part of your personality. Whether you’re lewd, rude or crude, sometimes people don’t say a thing and let it slide. Other times they don’t.
Recently, someone called me out on a particular behaviour of mine, and I wasn’t expecting it.
“Why do you do that?” he asks me on the phone after I give a personal excuse on why he had to leave earlier in the week.
“Do what?”
“That. Turn everything around.”
“What do you mean?” I have no idea what he’s talking about.
“I gave you a compliment and you don’t accept it.”
Oh, that thing.
The self-effacing thing.
When younger, whenever I did something that deserved merit, I was complimented. Afterwards, I felt like I could do no wrong because I did something right.
Unfortuantely, people thought I was full of myself and tried to break me down every chance they could.
“Who do you think you are?”
“You’re not better than anyone.”
“You’re nobody.”
“You’re nothing.”
From there on, I stopped accepting compliments. From work to looks, I brush them all off like cracker dust on my lap. I know when I’m good and I know when I’m not, but I'm also the first to say something negative about myself. Although I don’t want anyone to validate my work (even if it feels nice), I don’t want to feel the wrath of others when they don’t approve of me.
So, I’ve stopped.
It’s been my saving grace, yet some people still don’t like the fact I don’t take compliments well.
Maybe I should become celibate on being self-effacing.
Recently, someone called me out on a particular behaviour of mine, and I wasn’t expecting it.
“Why do you do that?” he asks me on the phone after I give a personal excuse on why he had to leave earlier in the week.
“Do what?”
“That. Turn everything around.”
“What do you mean?” I have no idea what he’s talking about.
“I gave you a compliment and you don’t accept it.”
Oh, that thing.
The self-effacing thing.
When younger, whenever I did something that deserved merit, I was complimented. Afterwards, I felt like I could do no wrong because I did something right.
Unfortuantely, people thought I was full of myself and tried to break me down every chance they could.
“Who do you think you are?”
“You’re not better than anyone.”
“You’re nobody.”
“You’re nothing.”
From there on, I stopped accepting compliments. From work to looks, I brush them all off like cracker dust on my lap. I know when I’m good and I know when I’m not, but I'm also the first to say something negative about myself. Although I don’t want anyone to validate my work (even if it feels nice), I don’t want to feel the wrath of others when they don’t approve of me.
So, I’ve stopped.
It’s been my saving grace, yet some people still don’t like the fact I don’t take compliments well.
Maybe I should become celibate on being self-effacing.
Authored by S at 12:00 am
14 Comments:
Quite frankly, I never learned to handle compliments well either.
I think that you would do better to take the compliment with grace. Those people that said you arent better than anyone else, are liars, and should be treated accordingly.
I've trained myself to say thank you and look the person in the eyes [if standing with them]. I too suffer from the degrading effects of my personality.
kb
Yeah, I have the same problem. I have a hard time accepting compliments because I don't want to sound conceited.
I don't take compliments well either.
In my case, it's out of fear of becoming an arrogant jerk. And low self-esteem.
Your last sentence "works for me."
The opposite is true for me. I always brushed off compliments, gifts or even just someone offering to buy me a drink. It seemed rude to many so now I try my best to say thank you and accept anything nice anyone does or says.
Should I make comments for everyone, since they're all saying either one thing or another?
Oh, what the hell...
Lemuel: Yes, exactly.
Timmy: It's all a matter of grace, but when I say, "Thanks," I get that "Who the hell does he think he is?" look.
KB: Degrading effects of your personality? Please. You? Never.
Liquid: I care. And, it's a lovely sweater (even though you walk around shirtless).
Six: Exactly!
Saint: It's the jerk (not self-esteem) thing that makes me negate any compliments.
Jason: Um.
YJA: I wish they'd buy me (more) drinks, then I'd take every compliment they'd throw at me (hint, Jason).
I already bought you a drink!
A little self-effacing, sparingly applied, can be just the right touch. At times.
I used to have that problem. But I learned that "Thanks that's so nice of you to say that." gets much better results. It's just like when people say, "How are you?" You're not supposed to go on and on about your maladies, you're just supposed to say "fine" or some other positive adjective.
I think you're pretty normal. I feel the same way sometimes.
I think part of it, too, is that I don't wanna be like "oh thank you, that is so nice of you", then have someone be like "I was being sarcastic. That speech sucked. I was hoping you meant it to be ironically self-deprecating."
Or something.
I just got a major scolding for this self-effacing thing of which you speak. I was told it to be annoying and not an admirable personality quality.
Now I have go all the way to Hong Kong to slap the bitch. "How dare you speak to me that way. Now compliment me so I can deflate it and things can get back to normal."
Or maybe I should just stop it and give her a hug for her honesty. I'll decide on the plane.
I don't really like my personality at all haha I'm so evil, so vengative, xD!
I always when someone did something to me in school I just get on himself and punch the face, on high school i grown up a little and manipulate people to get what I want. =3
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