I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Hard wood

Designers praise the virtues of hardwood floors to every – potential – client because of their beauty, durability, functionality, and flexibility. What they don’t mention are hardwood floors are hard wood floors.

**

Realizing that I’ve left the small pot of soup simmering for 10 minutes on the stove, I jump up from the sofa, and take a few quick steps towards the kitchen.

When my right foot lunges, it gets caught in my left pantleg, makes me trip, and pulls my weight forward as I fly through the air. My right knee lands on the ground with a thud, my left elbow hits the ground, my body slides on the floor and my head whacks against the wall.

Then, I stop.

Owww… That hurrrts,” I simultaneously laugh and whine, knowing how ridiculous this looks to the casual observer. As I get up, I rub my tender knee, elbow, and head. Since I don’t have three hands to accomplish this feat, I take turns.

Thankfully, by the time I limp into the kitchen, the soup isn’t burned. I pour it into a bowl and wait for it to cool. It’s placed on the table in the family room where the slide-and-smash incident occurred.

My head doesn't hurt much, but my elbow is still tender. And, don't get me started on my knee.

To hell with designers and their hardwood floors. It’s times like these where I wish I had carpet. Even on the walls.

11 Comments:

Anonymous dell said...

Trip and treat?

November 01, 2006 3:20 am  
Blogger Lemuel said...

The nice folks who run the institution that keeps me were nice enough to put soft stuff ALL OVER my little room, but they won't let me have hot soup. LOL!

November 01, 2006 6:45 am  
Blogger madamerouge said...

Poor Steven. You need a crash helmet.

November 01, 2006 7:18 am  
Anonymous jason (from the U.S.) said...

Careful there, Speedy.

Don't want you ending up one of my students. I'm a mean teacher (at least, that's what they say).

November 01, 2006 7:39 am  
Blogger Steven said...

Dell: That was bad. Bad, bad joke (funny, though).

Lemuel: The white straight jacket doesn't help either. I prefer it in black.

MR: I sound like the worst klutz in the world. I'm really not. I'm just accident-prone.

JUS: Next time (which there bloody better not be), I'll make sure to use my brakes.

November 01, 2006 10:15 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

I am certain that a padded room could be arranged.

November 01, 2006 2:04 pm  
Anonymous Jason said...

Sounds like your day is going as well as mine, except substitute making soup with making reports.

November 01, 2006 2:26 pm  
Blogger eric3000 said...

Another benefit of having carpeting, cottage-cheese ceilings (don't know if those are big in Canada), and flocked wallpaper (OK, we don't really have flocked wallpaper but I'm thinking of putting some up) is that it makes watching television so much better. the sound doesn't echo off all the hard surfaces. It's also less painfull when you hit your head on the ceiling.

November 01, 2006 2:56 pm  
Anonymous Loblaws Junkie said...

You should find someone to kiss your owies better.

November 01, 2006 11:15 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

Timmy: Not in white. Black is more slimming.

Jason: Your pain sounds worse than mine.

Eric: What about upholstered walls? It's like being wrapped in fabric and padding.

LJ: There's someone out there, for sure.

November 01, 2006 11:43 pm  
Blogger Kevin said...

Keep in mind, if you had had carpeting, you know would also have rug burns over all of those banged up parts. And unless you live in one of those Moonwalk inflatable houses, you'd still be banged up, too.

November 02, 2006 8:51 am  

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