I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Fashion victim

There is one particular fashion crime that is sweeping across every nation. Style arbiters shudder and design capitals of the world weep at the mere thought of it. It’s despicable and disgusting, yet millions of people follow this sartorial dictum.

And, no one is immune.


Due to the heat generated by the sun and sanding of some wood, I’m wearing a t-shirt and a pair of ratty shorts. On my feet are socks, so I don’t get them covered in dust. It’s not particularly stylish, but it’s the most effective way to eliminate fine, brown shavings from sticking to my bare soles.

No one can see what I look like, unless I have to go outside (which of course, I do) to put out the garbage. Realizing I don’t have a lot of time to change clothes, I slip on my sandals and run outside.

It’s not as if I’m walking the runway in Paris or Milan. And, if I was, I’m sure D&G would charge an arm and a leg for my look.

When I get back inside the house, I pause after closing the door. I look down at my sandals and socks. Terrible. What’s worse is that my socks are hiked up as far as they can go up my legs, leaving only a small gap of flesh between the socks and the shorts.

If it wasn’t for my posture, I’d look like an old man at the beach, sitting under an umbrella and reading the newspaper.

After countless years of giving people subtle suggestions on how to dress, I have officially become a 65-year-old fashion victim… or my father.

Update: Thank you for your words of concern. I'm still beyond any emotional reproach. If you hear about a homicidal rampage in the following days... uh, it wasn't me.


Blogger Lemuel said...

I have an excuse for my fashion faux pas. I'm already a member of AARP.

November 09, 2006 6:04 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

NO! say it isnt so!

November 09, 2006 9:06 am  
Blogger Kevin said...

Why am I not surprised. I leave you alone for a few minutes, and look what you do ...

November 09, 2006 9:33 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No. No. No. No. No.

Not OK.

November 09, 2006 10:47 am  
Blogger liquid said...

If you DO go on a homocidal rampage, PLEASE don't be wearing the socks and sandals. It'll play really badly in the media, and there isn't a jury in the world that won't want to see you fry because of it.

November 09, 2006 11:08 am  
Blogger your judgemental aunt said...


November 09, 2006 12:46 pm  
Blogger madamerouge said...

sure, sure

we know you went postal

November 09, 2006 1:43 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

Lemuel: That's your excuse?

Timmy: Sadly, it is.

Six: Hey! I was trying to emulate you!

Salem: I know it's not ok, and neither am I.

Liquid: Crimes of fashion, news at 11.

YJA: The horror? Maybe that should be my Hallowe'en costume for next year.

MR: Black socks can make a man go crazy, you know.

November 09, 2006 1:52 pm  
Blogger Jason said...

Fat is the new black.

November 09, 2006 4:23 pm  
Blogger The Accidental Activist said...

Slippery slope once you go with socks and sandals. Saw someone at the gym today wearing white shorts to his knees and a pair of flip-flops. Notagoodlook.

November 11, 2006 5:32 pm  

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