I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Fat attract

Even though the media is overpopulated with the ideal image of beauty, they (conveniently) forget to mention that not everyone is supposed to be tall, thin and toned. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes: small, medium, large and extra-large.

For some reason, the only type of beauty that I attract is of the fuller-figured variety. Apparently, there’s a magnetic force around me that pulls in every one of them. It’s like I’m a free buffet and they haven’t eaten for minutes.

Don’t get me wrong, they’re lovely people. They’re friendly, jovial, and are comfortable in their bodies. Unfortunately, due to their size, they take up a lot of the precious, personal space I sorely require to stay sane.

It happens all the time - where I work, where I eat, where I shop, etc. and especially whenever I have to take the train.

On the way home, I’m not usually first person on the train, since there are people who have been waiting on the platform before I get arrive (I don’t always take the same train home, so I don’t know the exact train/platform schedules, whereas they do).

So what happens?

Since the seating is designed with four seats (two facing each other) per cubicle, I may find a seat with a vacancy beside mine, but the rest are quickly filled with heifers. Not once, but every single fucking time. They see the empty seats and think, Hey! If that lean piece of 140-pound brisket can fit into that tiny seat, so can my 450-pound body!

If I’m not so lucky, I find the last seat that’s located in-between three fat people.

The reason why the seat is empty is that no one can pass between these three people in order to fit in the seat. Being slim, I slide in and place my ass as far forward in the seat without falling off since the fatty beside me is so huge, his width oozes over my seat like he’s the Exxon Valdez, spilling untold gallons of crude oil into the ocean.

The rest of the journey is spent with me curling inwards, clenching every muscle, and praying that I don't slip off my seat and fall face forward into the crotch of the woman who is three times my size.

Fuck. Why does this happen time and time again?

Anyway, as much as I need my space, I’d rather sit beside three people whose weight totals that of a Hyundai than stand for an hour.

I may be lazy, but I'm not stupid.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry guys but obesity is ugly yes i know some people cant help being overweight but i live in australia and it cost us taxpayers $700 million a year due to health etc etc yes each to their own but get off that couch and go out and get some exercise we are all getting to lazy and complacent, me im 5'10 and weigh a healthy 66kgs....and i exercise every day.

November 10, 2006 1:47 am  
Blogger liquid said...

Wear a big "Hi! I'm a Jenny Craig weight loss consultant!" badge - that ought get them to scatter.

November 10, 2006 8:39 am  
Blogger Kevin said...

Next time take a case of SlimFast with you and hand them out to people.

November 10, 2006 9:17 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My own nightmare on this front is when you are on one of those subway cars with the 3 person wide seat, in rush hour. Typically the middle seat is the last to get filled, and a few times you look up and this giant bum is coming in for a landing in that small space between you and the other guy. Uhh, Ma'am! How do you think that's going to fit here?

November 10, 2006 10:31 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

You should start selling herbal diet supplements....I bet you could make a fortune!

November 10, 2006 11:05 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

damn, I should have read the other comments before commenting....looks like we are all on the same page....not too shocking, I guess.

November 10, 2006 11:06 am  
Blogger Steven said...

Ok, so I'm not evil incarnate?

Anon: I know what you mean. I could also be that size, but I watch what I eat and I get up off my ass.

Six: I'll make sure to add a hefty service charge.

Salem: And, it's always on a seat beside the metal pole, so they have to sqeeeeeze in beside you.

Timmy: I'm in the wrong business. I should be hustling the obese with diet remedies.

November 10, 2006 11:32 am  
Blogger ziggystardust73 said...

Have you seen 'Little Britain'?

The fat sketches are central to the show - you'd love it.

November 10, 2006 11:56 am  
Blogger your judgemental aunt said...

Eating's for fat girls.

November 10, 2006 2:38 pm  
Blogger Jason said...

Oink-oink-oink. Oink? Oops, I forgot to switch back to "human".

November 10, 2006 3:04 pm  
Blogger madamerouge said...

YJA is like Patsy Stone: she only drinks. (Never eats.)

November 10, 2006 5:01 pm  
Anonymous loblaws Junkie said...

For someone who lists compassionate and empathetic as things that describe them, I'm not seeing either of those now. I'm disgusted at some of the responses... the lack of kindness is disturbing.

November 10, 2006 8:11 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

welcome to the real world loblaws junkie sorry we cant sugar coat it for you-build a bridge and get over it people wont change

November 10, 2006 9:23 pm  
Blogger tornwordo said...

I like liquid's comment. I so totally know what you're saying. I am also a body stench magnet. Soiled pants? Please take the seat beside me.

November 11, 2006 7:30 am  
Blogger The Accidental Activist said...

I think that except in the rarest of cases, obesity is a plain lack of self-respect. And it's an health issue. And the only one who can fix it is you. So, should you feel a touch overweight, exercise! And thereby leave more space in planes, trains and automobiles for the rest of us...

November 11, 2006 5:36 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to agree with Loblaws junkie - i was a fan of your blog but there's something in this post that reveals more about you than i'd seen before. I dont' like it. Fat or not it would be nice to see a little understanding from someone with (generally) decent observation skills. That kind of disrespect towards someone who is heavier just serves to reinforce their behaviour and further isolate that person. I'm so put off by intolerance - no - that's not even the word i'm looking for. More like ego-centrism and a lack of compassion and empathy.

November 13, 2006 11:26 am  
Blogger Jason said...

I'm fat and gross and I don't mind Anon.

November 13, 2006 3:25 pm  

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