I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Why does it hurt so bad?

Why does it hurt so bad?
Why do I feel so sad?
Thought I was over you
But I keep crying when I don’t love you…


These lyrics, written by Babyface, exemplify a modern relationship: People meet, enjoy each other’s company, begin to form attachments, and then nothing. No phone calls, no e-mails, no text-messages, no follow-ups. Nothing.

Yet, instead of brushing them off as another flake of dandruff, there’s always that pang of hurt, when they don’t reciprocate.

Your mind begins to wonder about how/when/where did it go wrong. What did you do? What did you say? What the hell is wrong with you? It’s always something you did, because they’re perfect and without fault.

But, the irony of it all is that you don’t love the person, but you feel something. What that feeling is, you have no idea, but it’s something; something tangible, something promising.

You put a semblance of something in someone else’s hands. Then, you wait. You check your messages for a note, you listen to your voicemail for a reply. You grow impatient. The hours turn into days. And, you wait… and wait. It hurts you inside and you want a Pamprin for those unbearable cramps. You reach a breaking point after two days of no communication and you realize you have no time for this shit. You deserve more than that. You’re a person, damnit! A person with – deeply, deeply hidden – feelings.

Before you’re ready to give up, move on, and tell them off with a nasty phone message, suddenly, out of nowhere, you receive an acknowledgement from them.

Then, you mind goes back to where it was. Back to where you were at the start, with the promise of something; something that can stop these feelings of hurt and sadness because you like them and want to get to know them. Maybe even, someday, love them.

And, you begin to wonder about their message...

Can't make it tonight? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

14 Comments:

Blogger Not so Single Guy said...

is this based on a personal story? I think way too much about things...and then my mind makes me start wondering...and all of the feelings just end up confusing me even more!

November 16, 2006 1:08 am  
Blogger Lemuel said...

Interesting ...and true

November 16, 2006 5:59 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

I am sorry, something came up. Maybe we can try next week sometime......

November 16, 2006 8:04 am  
Blogger Pablo said...

Great expression!

November 16, 2006 10:44 am  
Blogger Knottyboy said...

The pang is the lack of connection. I think that's why people have one night stands, connection. In the simplest manifestations of the word. We want to with...but with who? Why? A drive to be with others. To feel like you're a part of something more. The point is we are all we need and have to be able to stand alone to be worth anything TOGETHER with someone else. Two halfs don't make a whole. I've seen a lot of good starts end up in the shop all to often. I understand this separation and hurt. I'm speaking from experience from within relationships. SO it does happen both ways sometimes.
kb

November 16, 2006 10:45 am  
Blogger madamerouge said...

men SUCK!

November 16, 2006 10:55 am  
Blogger Jason said...

I dislike Babyface (cuz hate is a strong word).

November 16, 2006 1:28 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

NSSG: I think too much, also.

Lemuel: I thought so, too.

Timmy: I can't make it, either. Something came up.

Pablo: Thanks, I try.

KB: You know where I stand on your response, right?

MR: Hey! I'm nice!

Jason: Yeah, his production kinda sucks, but the song title made sense to me at the time.

November 16, 2006 1:42 pm  
Blogger Timmy said...

Babyface is from Indianapolis, just FYI.

November 16, 2006 1:50 pm  
Blogger Paul said...

I just came across your profile via someone elses, and I love this peice of writing.

You know the song "Killing Me Softly"? Well, you're telling my life with your words. This is exactly what I'm going through now, so it really resonates.

Great reading, very perceptive, and uncannily true to me. In fact, I've just posted a very similar blog about what's happened in the last day or two.

Glad to have found you!

November 16, 2006 2:44 pm  
Blogger Salem said...

I'm not so vain to think this is because I didn't post yesterday.

November 16, 2006 2:59 pm  
Blogger Donnie v2.0 said...

God, everything you said is spot on. I've felt that way many times before!

November 16, 2006 3:07 pm  
Blogger liquid said...

so, dinner then?

November 16, 2006 3:53 pm  
Blogger Kevin said...

My problem is always feeling guilty if I've been chatting with someone and then a couple days go by. Then it's embarrassing to get back in touch, so you wait for them to reply. And they don't either. So because you feel stupid for letting it slide, you end up not talking anymore.

Although I'm used to having people be really close for awhile and then just fall off the face of the earth. Especially blogger "friends." If they don't reply after an email or voicemail or two ... I say fuck em.

After awhile, I don't even read their blogs anymore. If they don't have time for me, i don't have time for them.

November 21, 2006 9:55 am  

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