I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, December 15, 2006

A loaf of garlic breath

Every meal I eat usually consists of a protein and a side dish. Coincidentally, just recently my mother taught me how to make tomato rice, and since I have so many tomatoes from the garden in the fridge, now is the best time to make use of them. Also, it’s incredibly delicious, which is always an incentive.

It’s fairly simple to make: put some oil in the bottom of a pot, place a crushed tomato in the pot and let it boil down to a semi-paste, pour in two cups of water and one cup of rice, and add salt and pepper to taste.

Normally, my mother places some crushed garlic for an extra punch of flavour. I don’t have any garlic. I don’t buy garlic. But, there’s garlic powder in the cabinet. It’s practically the same thing, right? And, because powder is concentrated, it must be better since you only need a small amount.

Since garlic is loaded with antioxidants, if a little bit is good for you, then a lot should be better, right? So, a pinch suddenly becomes a large dash.

After the rice had been cooking for almost 15 minutes, I take a wooden spoon for a quick sample. Is it almost cooked? Does it need another five minutes on the stove? I ask myself.

I put the spoon to my mouth, blow to cool it down, take a bite, chew and swallow.

Ho. Lee. Fuck.

The next thing I remember is taking a few swigs from the wine bottle on the counter.

Shit. That was six shades of nasty.

Now I know why God made this stuff so pungent. Damn. Who needs enemies when you’ve got a loaf of garlic breath?

Now, I’m walking around the kitchen with my tongue sticking out and a bottle of wine in my hand, waiting for the rest of the rice to cook.


I try to dilute the flavour with some water and wine. As the liquid evaporates, I mix its contents; over and over.

When it’s time to eat, I’m a little apprehensive. What will it taste like? Bad, or worse?

As I sit at the dining table, I take a sip of wine, then a forkful of rice. It’s ok. Not bad, and could be worse. The wine helps with a multitude of sins, too.

Note: Did you get your heart on this weekend?


Blogger Sunshine said...

I love garlic but I'm always paranoid when I get anything with lots of garlic in it for precisely the same reason. When I go to this Italian restaurant near my place, I always ask them to hold the garlic. Isn't it about time for someone to invent odourless garlic already??!

December 15, 2006 5:13 am  
Blogger Lemuel said...

LMAO! I think I can smell it down here!

December 15, 2006 7:19 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

I put garlic in everything. A little trick is to eat some parsley after, it nips that garlic breath right in the bud.

December 15, 2006 8:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Garden? It's the 3rd week of December!


December 15, 2006 9:58 am  
Blogger Pablo said...

No, I didn't get my heart on. Thanks for reminding me, though.

December 15, 2006 10:08 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

Because you dont have a heart, Pablo.

December 15, 2006 11:50 am  
Blogger Shaney said...

LOL....I liked this post... :)
Garlic - such a wonderful flavour, yet only with certain foods & only in moderation...But I am guessing after your experiment you will either:
A: Leave the garlic out
B: Repeat the mistake & have another bottle of wine handy... :)

December 15, 2006 5:01 pm  
Blogger hot-lunch said...

i eat raw cloves of garlic when i have a sore throat or cough, on the advice of my nautropath friend. it is nasty but it's supposed to be so good for you especially if u have problems with your respitory system

December 15, 2006 6:54 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

Sunshine: Italian restaurants go hand-in-hand with garlic, just like they do with pasta.

Lemuel: The wine dilutes the scent.

Timmy: Then you get parsley stuck in your teeth, making them green.

Salem: You can freeze tomatoes and defrost 'em when they're needed for cooking.

Pablo: I try.

Timmy: Really?

Shaney: Oh yeah, I will do A and B for next time.

HL: My dad always says garlic is good, and the more the better.

December 15, 2006 7:34 pm  
Blogger Lewis said...

You are so making me laugh out loud. I can just see your tongue sticking out, wine in hand, and you saying Ho-lee-fuck. You're a total nut! (Yea, look whose talking.....)

December 16, 2006 12:31 am  
Blogger ziggystardust73 said...

at least the vampires will stay away!

happy holidays, steven.


December 16, 2006 6:15 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mmmm garlic....

if it doesnt have real garlic in it. it isnt a meal. ( you would think I was Italian, but I'm not, but having lived in Toronto for 4 years... you just learn!

December 18, 2006 9:51 pm  
Blogger eric3000 said...

Garlic powder is nasty! Get the real thing! It will last in your refrigerator for a long time. Just toast the minced garlic in olive oil to make it less potent. But I only eat garlic at home; at a restaurant I try to order non-garlic-related items because I hate bad breath.

December 19, 2006 10:56 am  

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