Crack of my ass

For years, women have had a difficulty finding the perfect bra. The cups are not the right size, the straps dig into their shoulders, they don’t provide enough support, are just some of the complaints.

So, companies listened to them and made multiple varieties of sizes and styles to fit the varying shapes of the womanly form.

So, why don’t they do the same thing with underwear for men?

Men come in all shapes – around the mid-section. They don’t all look like the Ken doll that is featured on the packaging. Some are thinner, some are thicker. But, even with the S-XL sizing, there are other problems with underwear:

- Too much cotton, not enough stretch
- Too much stretch, not enough cotton
- Too big and baggy, or too small and confining
- They ride up with wear, or they sag where they shouldn’t
- Too much space for small behinds
- Too little space for, well… you know

For me, finding a half-decent, modestly-priced pair of underwear (I don’t wear them that often, so they shouldn’t cost a fortune) takes forever.

And, I’ve had practice.

Once, I had a pair whose elastic wore on the right side and not on the left. After a day of walking around, I was left with a ½ thong – the stupid underwear on the right side bunched up and rolled up my ass crack. So, the rest of the day was spent twitching and picking at my ass, pulling out the offending fabric, only to do it again if I walked more than 10 feet.

Whatever.

Maybe I should give up and wear the ones I own… Or, maybe I should just move to a climate where it’s underwear optional.

Note: If any underwear company reads this, I’d be happy to take anything you send me (size small). I'd even take photos if you send over a few pairs. It's free PR! It's win-win for everyone!