I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Waking nightmare

It’s late and I can’t sleep. The minutes pass and turn into hours. I’m rolling around in bed, uncomfortable. My mind is going in all different directions. And, all of this is about my day tomorrow.

For the first time ever, I am going to take care of my niece – alone.

Although I have played with her for hours before, there were always responsible people around (her parents, her grandmother). But, since no one will be around, caution shouldn’t be thrown out the window, but rolled-up in bubble-wrap and wearing a safety helmet.

Being one who has a semi-active imagination, there are endless scenarios of horror running through my mind.

She chokes on something. She crashes through a window. She learns a curse word (from, uh, Sesame Street). She falls down the stairs. She severs a limb. She wears an outfit that doesn’t match and has her Dora the Explorer undies peeking from her waistband.

The terror is enough to keep me awake through the night.

The next day, I stick to her like velcro.

I place pillows on the floor in case she falls. I hover over her at the park while she's on the jungle gym. I cut her food into teeny-tiny pieces to avoid choking. I hover her over the toilet seat so she doesn't fall in when tinkling. I keep an eye on her while she's drinking her milk before I put her down to sleep for her afternoon nap.

Even though nothing happens to her, I'm paranoid. The last thing I want is to to face her parents after they find their child looking like Mike Tyson went six rounds with her in the ring.

When my sister comes home from her day of work, I’m ready for her to take over while I have a drink… and take a nap.


Blogger Lemuel said...

Spoken (written) like a true, single uncle. :)

December 06, 2006 6:36 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

dont be so overprotective....kids will be kids, things will get broken, messes will be made, just dont let them die and everything will be ok. I have 12 nieces and nephews, I can afford to lose one or two.

December 06, 2006 7:24 am  
Blogger Kevin said...

Kids are resilient. They bounce.

December 06, 2006 8:50 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

haha. not surprising. You'll get more comfortable with experience.

December 06, 2006 9:50 am  
Blogger Lewis said...

Maybe have the drink BEFORE she comes over.....the world will be a better, safer, more fun place! I can only imagine that you're an awesome uncle.

December 06, 2006 12:36 pm  
Blogger liquid said...

don't cut the pieces of food up too teenie-tiny - they'll end up up her nose.

December 06, 2006 12:45 pm  
Blogger madamerouge said...

sometimes I sit down to pee

December 06, 2006 1:21 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have 4 nephews, all under 7, and we babysit all the time. After awhile you get used to it, we've even had a 6 week old for the evening. the boys love their uncles!! Actually the funniest thing? one of my sister-in-laws gets called "uncle Karen" b/c the boys don't see them often enough!! LOL

December 06, 2006 7:21 pm  
Blogger Tuna Girl said...

I love it!

"I hover her over the toilet seat so she doesn't fall in when tinkling."

I've knocked my own kid head first into the toilet!

Every kid needs a gay uncle wearing kid gloves. ;-)

December 07, 2006 12:25 am  

Post a Comment

<< Home