Holy moly
Given my uneven success with matters of employment, I’ve decided to branch out and look beyond my background into other fields. There are several that peak my interest, but there is one I think I'll try: becoming a member of the sacred cloth (and I'm not talking about cashmere).
Before anyone begins to roll their eyes, remember that if you’re a priest, you…
Get to live rent free.
Work close to home.
Have minions to do your menial tasks (and not complain about doing them).
Wear black all the time (it’s slimming and always in style).
Preach from an alter.
Perform on stage (with a band and background singers!).
Have an audience worship you and listen to your every word.
Get to judge others and make them work off their penance.
And, of course…
Have plenty of sex! SEX! SEX! SEX! Practically all the time.
This last statement isn't blasphemous in the least. I mean, you study in a place called a seminary! What the fuck is up with that? All you need is a condom and some lube and you're ready for anything. Sodom and Gomorrah? The priesthood practically re-enacts orgiastic scenes from Caligula, for chrissakes! What’s not to love?
I’m signing up right now.
Note: Happy 35th birthday, G.
Before anyone begins to roll their eyes, remember that if you’re a priest, you…
Get to live rent free.
Work close to home.
Have minions to do your menial tasks (and not complain about doing them).
Wear black all the time (it’s slimming and always in style).
Preach from an alter.
Perform on stage (with a band and background singers!).
Have an audience worship you and listen to your every word.
Get to judge others and make them work off their penance.
And, of course…
Have plenty of sex! SEX! SEX! SEX! Practically all the time.
This last statement isn't blasphemous in the least. I mean, you study in a place called a seminary! What the fuck is up with that? All you need is a condom and some lube and you're ready for anything. Sodom and Gomorrah? The priesthood practically re-enacts orgiastic scenes from Caligula, for chrissakes! What’s not to love?
I’m signing up right now.
Note: Happy 35th birthday, G.
Authored by S at 12:00 am
7 Comments:
Even though your post was tounge in cheek ( I hope ) Dont even think about it. I was a theology major and got a degree in it and for 5 years all I heard about is how much god hates the gays. Doesn't much for one's self esteem let me tell ya. You could,however, become a hair dresser most of those "fancy Chic" places make you wear black and you can judge whomever you want (before you cut their hair at least.)
Talk about seminary position :)
Steven, my sentiments exactly! And you forgot to mention, the Pope gets freebies from Prada and Gucci and Louis Vuitton, like he's Lindsay Lohan or something. I've got no problem with greed or crime or materialism, so how come priests are living better than me?
Wouldn't becoming a priest put a crimp in your mother's plans for you to give her a son? I mean, there's god, but then there's your mom. Me thinks you'd put up with a lot more hell on earth if you don't figure out a way to deliver the boy!
Now that you point it out, I guess it's better than a Rabbi. Plus you don't have to listen to the old ladies kvetch in the same way.
Holy Mackerel
Holy Shit
Would I have to call you "Father Steven"...I thought I was the Daddy in this relationship?!
xoxo
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