You got me mowing in circles

It is advised to refrain from driving motorized vehicles after drinking alcohol because it will wreak havoc on the roads, thereby endangering others.

But, what if that vehicle is a lawnmower? Does that count?

**

It’s early morning and I’ve already had something to drink; coffee just doesn’t taste the same without Kahlúa. While I look out the window, I realize the grass needs to be mowed. After a couple of days of stagnation, it looks like it grew six inches overnight. Fuuuuuuck.

Going outside, I pull out the rusty mower and drag it to the yard. After turning the switch to ‘on’ and giving it a few pumps of the gas/oil mixture, the two-stroke motor has to be cranked to life. It doesn’t want to work when I yank on the cord. It could be that I’m a little tipsy, or it could be that the machine is over 20 years old and is more stubborn than a surly teenager with an attitude problem.

It’s finally working, and I begin to mow the lawn. For all I know, I'm going around in circles, or making figure-eights. It probably looks like shit. I have no idea if I’m doing a good job because a) the grass is so long, it flops over and the blades don’t cut it properly, and b) I’m buzzed enough not to give a flying fuck.

When it’s done, I place the mower back, take the clippers, do the trim work, as well as any weeding. My head feels like it’s under water. The booze in my blood isn’t helping and the heat and sun, beating down on my head, is making matters worse.

But, I get through it… eventually.

As I re-enter my place, I wash my hands and pour myself another drink; I deserve it after my hard work. I go back outside and lie down on the lounger on the patio.

If I wasn’t buzzed, the lawn would look terrible. But, with every sip, it looks better and better.