I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Business up front, party in the back

If there is one thing I will never understand about humanity is this: mullets.

For those of you who don’t know what it is, let me explain… It’s what Michael Bolton’s hair looked like before he caught on with the times and whacked it off.

Mullets made sense in the 80’s when helmet hair was all the rage. Hockey players were Gods (at least in Canada, where the sport is a national pastime). If hockey players can spot this ‘business up front, party in the back’ look, then why couldn’t their fans?

Of course, that was back in the 80’s when acid-wash jeans and shoulder pads were the norm.

Now, two decades later, if you walk out of the house looking like you accidentally washed your denim in bleach while sporting a footballer’s uniform, you’d be ridiculed.

But, I know the reason why people still conform to this hairstyle, just like why they wear peach lipstick and blue eye shadow: They’re stuck in a period where they know they looked good and decided to stick with that look, even after the trends have changed and time has moved on (by two decades).

They own a mirror, but they don’t see what’s standing in front of it. That’s unfortunate, because some of these people are in desperate need of a pair of scissors for their hair… or a helmet to throw over their head.

Note: Why do I feel the need to sing, “How can we be lovers when we can’t be friends?”

6 Comments:

Blogger Lewis said...

But, I think it is possible to be lovers if not friends. Seriously.

September 03, 2007 10:24 am  
Blogger Steven said...

Lewis: I meant that note to be a cheesy Michael Bolton reference.

September 03, 2007 6:24 pm  
Blogger Chris said...

Oh God. I almost had a mullet in 1989. The hottest guys in high school had them. sigh. good times.

September 03, 2007 10:14 pm  
Blogger Mike said...

Last night, I saw that Dog the Bounty Hunter dude on some Fox News wasteland. He has somehow merged a fauxhawk with a mullet. That's quite a feat. And one I never, ever want to see repeated.

September 04, 2007 12:06 pm  
Blogger Christopher said...

It's amazing how even today you can still find someone sporting a mullet (and in L.A. even)...hasn't anyone let these folk in on the joke yet???

September 04, 2007 1:45 pm  
Blogger Sh@ney said...

2 words - aesthetic vomit

September 04, 2007 8:52 pm  

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