I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Grocery shopping turns me on

Every time I go to the grocery store, I want to run out as fast as I can. It's not the fact that the parking lot has no spaces close to the entrance, the store is filled with fat and obnoxious people, and there's never any fresh strawberries when I want them.

No, the fact why I don't like going to the grocery store isn't due to the shopping, but the employees. None of them are old, most of them are in high school or college and approximately 80 per cent of them are pretty hot.

For some reason, the attractiveness gene skipped my generation. True, there is something about adulthood that lends itself to a mature sexuality, but nothing beats youth.

And, when you see them give you the eye, there's nothing I can do but place my basket in front of my basket. Maybe they're being friendly, but I don't think their goal is to see who sells the most melons. None of them work on commission. If I pay any attention to their wanted advances, I can come across as a lascivious old man. Then again, it doesn't help when I'm casually holding a cucumber against my crotch.

When the cashier hands me my receipt, gives me a wink and tells me to have a great day, I feel like taking her on the conveyor belt, right in front of the other customers.

But, those thoughts leave my mind the minute I walk back outside to the parking lot, but they'll come back the second I walk through those doors the following week when I go grocery shopping.

10 Comments:

Blogger Random Thinker said...

you gotta have more fun with the grocery workers... the 80%, not the 20%...

load up your basket with personal lubricant, extra large condoms, cans of whipped cream, chocolate sauce, lots of jello, and other assorted ambiguous groceries/sex aids.

if they ask, explain that you're having a quiet night in...

January 22, 2009 10:25 am  
Blogger about a boy said...

you pervert! i love it. the last hottie i saw in either of the neighborhood grovery stores i frequenst was 2005.

unless i happened to glance in the mirror. can i get a rimshot please!

January 22, 2009 10:29 am  
Blogger Gabrielle said...

Was just flipping through some blogs, one blog leading to another like "blog tag" and I found yours. Now, I will be totally honest and say that the elongated torso pic of yours captured my attention. If that is really you, then I must state that not since Michelangelo chipped out that 17 foot David from that huge, beautiful hunk of white Tuscan marble have I ever seen a more perfect torso. With a body like yours, you dont even need a head or a penis or legs - I would date your torso and be content. Well anyway new friend, congratulations - I know how much hard work and dedication it requires to look like a god. I am enlarging your pic, printing it on glossy paper, framing it and making it the center of my shrine to you. Your blog is nice too!

January 22, 2009 11:43 am  
Blogger Peter said...

Steve, do I have to read this right? ...I feel like taking her on the conveyor belt... I always thought you were 'family'.

January 22, 2009 5:18 pm  
Blogger Phronk said...

I think my local grocer's 80/20 split is reversed. But the girl at the meat counter can handle my meat any time. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

January 23, 2009 2:00 pm  
Blogger Random Thinker said...

I think you're gonna have a stalker... let's just call her "torso gabby"

watch your back, or front as it were.

January 24, 2009 10:42 am  
Blogger Jake said...

I need to find this grocery store.

January 24, 2009 11:03 am  
Blogger Soul Seared Dreamer said...

@RT: Damn thats so funny. I'm actually cheeky enough to try that out. Lovin' the idea.

Hmmm Steven I've never really felt that kinda dsire in my local supermarket - must be something in the Canadian water.

January 24, 2009 4:15 pm  
Blogger Chris said...

Your grocery bills must be huge.

January 30, 2009 12:26 pm  
Blogger Shirley! said...

'lascivious old man?'

that's hard to do when you look only slightly older than the employees

January 30, 2009 1:14 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home