I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

So friggin' cold

Upon waking up this morning, I realize something is wrong. It's not the pending feeling of doom that lingers over my head like most days, but that the heat isn't on in my room. The temperatures dipped to below 20 degrees Celcius overnight and I was feeling the brunt of it. Fuck, I hate this.

When I get out of bed, I huddle over to keep warm. It works for a couple of seconds. Goosebumps appear over goosebumps. Making my way to the bathroom, my posture resembles that of an 80-year-old man with scoliosis.

Since I have to commute, I have to jump into a cold car and drive to the train. The metal creaks and groans, like I do in the morning; only one of them should be making those sounds. Four seconds after I walk outside, I feel my testes making their way inside, trying to escape from the cold.

The only benefit is my face loses all muscle memory and it’s as blank and emotionless as a Park Avenue doyenne who is regularly shot with litres of Botox. Sadly, it’s not only my face that doesn’t feel a thing – the rest of my body is taken over by frostbite.

At work, it takes me a while to get warm. Eventually, the sensation of feeling returns to my body, but I think I’ve lost a fingertip in the process of flexing it when typing on the keyboard.

Why can't winter be warmer? I'm not asking for Ecuador, but this is getting too close to Edmonton for my tastes (and testes).

8 Comments:

Blogger Justen said...

Edmonton? Are you originally from here?

January 15, 2009 12:25 am  
Blogger G.G. said...

I wish I could be there, with you, in bed, holding you tight on this cold winter's night, feeling the warmth of your body resting peacefully next to mine. Feeling your heart beating tenderly inside your chest, while softly stroking your hair and letting you feel my hot breath on your ear and neck. The snow and cold can be very romantic under the right conditions, yes?

January 15, 2009 2:24 am  
Blogger Random Thinker said...

Do you know G.G.?

My suggestion was gonna be for you to reach for one of the bottles of booze ya keep at your desk and take a few gulps - or add it to hot chocolate, tea or coffee.

January 15, 2009 11:03 am  
Blogger madamerouge said...

now you know how miserable I am in the summertime

January 15, 2009 4:00 pm  
Blogger about a boy said...

pussy.

January 16, 2009 12:38 pm  
Blogger hot-lunch said...

i heard about power outages in the Toronto area, good thing u're not there! that's a bright side to the cold mornings, yes?

January 16, 2009 3:10 pm  
Blogger Doomed But Cheerful! said...

You just reminded me why I moved to New Zealand! G =]

January 17, 2009 8:54 am  
Blogger Phronk said...

I'm originally from Edmonton. So this is nothing. I've been naked all week.

January 17, 2009 2:58 pm  

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