Crabby love

“I love you even when you’re crabby,” is probably the nicest thing someone has said to me without a hint of sarcasm in their voice. I haven't heard it since.

The perks of this package

Through my work and connections, I am fortunate enough to enjoy some perks from time to time. When someone is close to me, they'll probably have access to them and be able to enjoy them, as well.

After a break-up, separation, or split, those perks disappear along the wayside. No more parties, premieres, products and perks. No tips, no referrals, no favours, no nothing.

J will miss those things because they were always there, without asking. Now, J won’t get anything from me (and I know J will miss them terribly). This isn't done out of revenge or malice, but because only those who have a good relationship with me are privy to perks.

Those perks come along with this package, and if you decide to return the package, than you can’t keep anything that originally came with it.

The past two weeks

For the first time in Human Nature's history, I haven't felt like writing down a thought even though there have been plenty of them in my head. This is one of those periods where you want to scream at the top of your lungs, hoping someone will the anguish.

Things haven't been great in the past two weeks...

There was the end of a relationship, serious financial worries, invasive surgery that kept on being rescheduled, work that never ended, and a whole other things that revolve around those issues. So, yeah. Things havent been great in the past two weeks.

And because of that, I've retreated further into myself and turned away from others.

Ironically, the only thing that has kept me going were friends who were there (even when I thought they wouldn't be). I thank them for that and I also thank them for listening to me and for not feeling sorry for me when I would choke up and break out in tears.

I hope they're there in the following two weeks because things won't be getting any better.

Unpleasant weight loss

Losing five pounds in four days this way is unpleasant.

Hard to forget

It's hard to forget about someone if constantly reminded by them.

Crying in the rain

A benefit to walking in the rain is no one can see you cry.

Heart break

The title says it all.

Rash decisions

Recently, I battled an allergic reaction. At first, I thought it was a skin infection because of the small bumps that first appeared on my hand. I also thought I got it from J because he had the same bumps. His diagnosis was a skin infection, passed on from someone else. Naturally, I assumed it was the same thing.

Then, it started to spread. And, it didn’t stop.

The rash spread from my hands, to my arms, down my chest to torso, then downwards towards my feet. It was gradual; over a couple of days. The rash was everywhere (and I mean everywhere).

Then, I started to itch and scratch. And, I didn’t stop.

After a couple of minutes, my skin would turn red from having my nails being run across it, repeatedly. It wasn’t the right thing to do, but it felt so good. My body looked like it sprouted hives within a short period.

When I saw my doctor, he told me it was an allergic reaction. I told him it was probably a skin infection, but he corrected me, saying it’s an allergic reaction and that I should look back over the past month and review my eating habits.

But I didn't listen to my doctor and go through my "diet journal," instead I made a rash decision and take matters into my own hands (and fingernails) by using the same medication J used for his skin infection. Lucky for me it paid off, because there was no way I was going to keep on scratching my balls in front of my co-workers.

To the creepy old letch on the train

Hey.

You don’t know me, but I know you. In fact, I think I know you pretty well. You ride the same train as I do every morning and either sit beside, behind, or diagonally across from me on our way to work.

To cut to the chase, I think you’re a creepy old letch because you hit on every young woman who rides the train. I don’t think of you this way because of your actions, but how you do them.

You start off complimenting them on something (their hair, their clothes, their jewellery), then bring it back to your wife and how you know what beautiful hair/clothes/jewellery looks like because of her.

I also find it funny how when she calls, you’re going through a ‘black out’ area, yet when someone from work is on the phone, there’s never any problem. Interesting.

Now, I don’t mind the atrocious attempts at flirting - the women you’re hitting on know you’ll never get a chance with them because you sound like Ben Stein and look like Jeffrey Tambor, circa George Bluth Sr. on Arrested Development.

Oh yeah, you have seen me give you the evil eye. You deserve it. You’re disgusting and, to be frank (because why should I stop now?), you’re repulsive. I don’t care if you don’t like me, because I don’t like you.

So do me a favour: Go back to your wife and tell her that her hair/clothes/jewellery reminds you of the women you hit on while sitting on the train. I’m pretty sure she’ll think you’re just a creepy old letch like I do.

Best,
Steven.