I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Dude, you're so unfunny!

The primary reason why comedians exist is to make people laugh by telling jokes and making them pee in their pants when their bladder’s threshold of tolerance breaks loose… and so does their urine.

Then, there’s Dane Cook.

Don’t recognize the name? Here are a few details about him…

He’s the man who must coin a new term for comedian, since the root word - comedy - is supposed to mean amusing not irritating.

He’s the man who throws a lampshade on his head, thinking that he’s hilarious because he put a lampshade on his head. Uh, you’re not that drunk to be funny and we’re not that drunk to be stupid.

He’s the man that I want to put in the ring with Carrot Top and have both of them fight each other to the death. The loser dies. The winner also gets shot.

He’s the man who makes me want to get unnecessary surgery. Not because I want novocaine to numb the pain, but because the surgery is actually less painful than watching him crack a series of suck-ass jokes.

That's how unfunny this dude is.

Even NBC newsanchor, Brian Williams, outclasses him in a hilarious 90-second bit on Saturday Night Live; something he can't accomplish in 90 excruciating minutes of horrible sketches.

In the end, he’s the Jessica Simpson of comedy: sorta pretty to look at, with a deeply hidden talent, but basically exists to be put on celebrity magazine covers about who is hooking up, breaking up, making up, and throwing up.


Blogger Tom said...

I agree.... When I first heard him, I have not "seen" him perform, I thought... geee, this guy sounds a bit like George Karlan, then I listened more, and actually had to turn him off... I gave away the 3 CD's and chalked it up to a generational thing... It's nice to know I wasn't the only one offended/irritated by this guy...

Regards and keep up the informative posts, I come back every day for a Steven "fix"...


October 03, 2006 6:36 am  
Anonymous jason said...

You know, I thought the same thing a few days ago. My biggest concern is that some form of intellegent life is going to see him in our broadcasts in some years and think that all people on earth are this way.

He just needs to be drug out into the street and shot.

October 03, 2006 6:55 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

I dont think he is funny at all. He is kinda cute in a freak show sorta way.

October 03, 2006 8:07 am  
Blogger Kevin said...

I think the fame has gotten to him. I think when his craziness was more natural, he was funnier. Now he has an image to uphold, and it's a lot more forced.

But I still think a lot of his stuff is funny.

October 03, 2006 8:52 am  
Blogger Jeff said...

"He’s the man that I want to put in the ring with Carrot Top and have both of them fight each other to the death. The loser dies. The winner also gets shot."

I LOVE IT!!!! There are so many others, not just comedians, that should be put into a ring. Loser dies and the winner gets shot. And to entice them into said ring, promise them a parting gift.

October 03, 2006 9:28 am  
Blogger Steven said...

Tom: But, GK was funny in an insightful kind of way.

Jason: I never thought of that. Then again, people in the future will be saying the same thing about Paris Hilton.

Indy: Aren't freak shows supposed to scare you?

Six: He has an image to uphold? What image? As a faux comedian, or the guy who has 1.4 million "friends" on MySpace?

Jeff: Totally. I have a list too, but it's way too long...

October 03, 2006 3:05 pm  
Blogger Kevin said...

He had his own style. And shoot me for thinking he was funny. But now that he has become famous for that, it no longer feels natural because he's forcing it.

October 03, 2006 3:37 pm  
Anonymous Tuna Girl said...

It's sad because he used to be really funny. I saw him live a few times back around 1994. My friends and I were laughing so hard that we were bent over holding our stomachs.

Now he's all forced and gross. He'll come out with an occasional gem but that's about it. It's esoecially sad becuase he used to be really cute too.

October 04, 2006 11:51 am  
Blogger Vincent said...

LOL You people are a great example of people with no money and nothing to do. Dane Cook is hilarious at points, and not so funny at others- as for every comedian. Don't hate on the man for doing what he does, just change what you do. Haters.

February 22, 2010 6:18 pm  

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