I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

In the trash

As my mother pulls something from the china cabinet, she turns around and asks me the question I can’t stand responding to, for I always dread her reaction. The result is a fight that ends in both of us not talking to one another – a bonus for me.

“When I die, what are you going to do with all of this?” She points to the contents inside the hutch.

She knows what I’m going to say, so I don’t know why she ever bothers.

“I dunno.”

“Yes you do,” she says. “You’re going to throw it in the trash, aren’t you?”

“I wouldn’t do that,” I reply. She doesn’t believe me. She still thinks I’ll chuck everything into a cardboard box the minute she’s gone and leave it at the curb, like so many times in the past.

“You wouldn’t keep it, though.” She pushes me.

“No, none of your stuff is my style.”

As much as I liked watching Dynasty and Dallas, even Alexis, Blake, Krystle, J.R., Bobby and Sue Ellen have moved on.

It’s not that the pieces are ugly, but they’re dated. Crystal d’Arques glassware? Only if I was living in the 80’s. White bone china with silver filigreed accents and a Happy 25th Anniversary scripture on every piece? Uh, I’d rather pass. Pine tree-shaped platters with pictures of chubby, little snowmen? Not unless I’m paid to keep them.

“Well, I’d have to see what your daughter would want. Whatever she doesn’t want, I’d probably go to a pawn shop, or something, and see if I could get any money for the rest. Why would I throw it out when I can make money off of it?”

It's a perfectly logical and rational answer.

Looking at my mother, she pursing her lips, like she's sucked on one too many lemons.

The stove timer rings and I’m saved from any further questions. We sit down for our meal and eat our food on a set of old plates.

These, for sure, will be going in the trash.

8 Comments:

Anonymous jason said...

You know, most of my Mom's stuff I picked out for her house, so I'm keeping that stuff. Since I'm an only child, I don't know what I'd do with 50+ years of stuff she's accumulated.

Don't have to worry about that though...my Mom will live to be 400 at the rate she's going.

September 21, 2006 7:50 am  
Blogger Kevin said...

Yeah, there's good "retro" and bad "retro" ... the fun is determining which is which.

September 21, 2006 8:40 am  
Blogger Steven said...

Jason: You're lucky that you got to pick your (eventual) inheritance... twisted as it may sound.

Six: There is no retro, here. It all falls under the category of crap.

September 21, 2006 3:02 pm  
Blogger Earl said...

I've told my mother that I don't plan on taking ANYTHING that came from the Franklin Mint.

September 21, 2006 3:32 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

Earl: The Franklin Mint? You mean the place that pops out those horrid collector plates? Ugh.

September 21, 2006 11:13 pm  
Anonymous Glenn said...

I'm grabbing what I want now, so I don't have to deal with it then. ;-)

September 21, 2006 11:44 pm  
Blogger hot-lunch said...

you should look for markings and designer names on these pieces and see if they are worth anything. eBay is a great source for finding out more info once you have a name to a plate (just flip it over and see who made it, etc.) thanks for visiting my blog!

September 29, 2006 2:16 am  
Blogger eric3000 said...

I had a vision of my future while I was trying to help my mother move into a smaller house. I would pick something up and say, "You have to get rid of this" and she would say, "but someone gave that to me!" and I would say, "Who gives a crap?! You don't need it and it's just taking up space!" Oh, it was a nightmare! Anyway, I'll take the silverware; it's solid silver and I'll never buy that for myself.

September 29, 2006 3:00 pm  

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