I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Shearing a sheep

Haircuts are traumatic experiences. One miscalculation of the scissors and there goes a perfectly good head of hair. The next two weeks are spent growing out a massive mistake while trying to convince people it’s supposed to look like that.

It takes a while for someone to get used to cutting my hair. I’ve had a lot of people try. Some have succeeded and many have failed.

For the past few years, I’ve been going to the same person. She knows what she’s doing and takes almost a full half-hour to cut my hair. Large clumps of luxurious curls fall to the floor, resembling sheep's wool.

But there’s one problem…

Recently, she’s been working on the nape of my neck with unnecessary detail. She uses the grooming tool to shave hair that’s not there.

The clipper keeps on going further down, passing the nape to my shoulders and down my back. It’s provoking more hair to grow, like shaving; the more you shave, the thicker the hair grows back.

She’s lucky she hasn’t caught me on a particularly cunty day. When that day comes, I’ll snap at her and say, “If you keep on going any lower, I’ll have to ask you to shave my ass, too.”

Until that day comes, I’ll keep on going to her, but if the hair on my back starts to grow, she’ll be paying for the waxing.

9 Comments:

Anonymous jason said...

It could be the voices in her head telling her that there's hair in places there really isn't.

Slip her some Viagra, and see what happend.

-ducks-

September 22, 2006 4:56 am  
Blogger tornwordo said...

I love the word cunty.

September 22, 2006 7:17 am  
Blogger Kevin said...

Cuntastic.

(but maybe your back IS all hairy ...)

September 22, 2006 9:07 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

cuntalicious!

September 22, 2006 12:59 pm  
Blogger Steven said...

Jason: Great, the hairdresser voice needs to cut off an inch, and the horny voice needs a couple of inches.

Torn: I like the word, too.

Six: Uh, no, I'm not. Do you want me to get all cuntastic on you?

Indy: Cuntalicious. I've started a cuntastrophy...

September 22, 2006 4:39 pm  
Blogger savante said...

Somehow I always giggle when I get a haircut. Really ticklish.

September 22, 2006 11:58 pm  
Blogger J (Me) said...

Oh dude, all my haircuts have been a traumatic experience! They never cut it like i want/ask, i have try everything but it never turns out the way i wanted. And like you said, i spent at least one week of stress thinking about people looking at my hair and pretending that i like it.

September 23, 2006 12:49 am  
Blogger Lemuel said...

That's why I shave it all off myself. I don't have to go to some gossipy female stylist nor do I have to sit in a redneck, neo-con, ultra conservative, wing nut barber shop. (I think I've got all the adjectives there.)

September 24, 2006 9:41 am  
Blogger BlackGold said...

I also hate haircuts its something about being trapped in a chair with someone who talks non stop about nothing.

September 24, 2006 12:14 pm  

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