I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Trimming my bush

When the snow melts and the grass begins to grow beneath the layers of slush and mud, it’s time to get outside and take care of the landscaping.

This entails moving the lawn, doing and gathering clippings (grass, trees, deadheads), and watering the flowers.

Personally, I enjoy trimming my bush and I think it looks quite lovely when it's neat and tidy.

It's too bad I didn't promote my services this summer, taking advantage of the craze of hiring someone to pull the weeds, like John the gardener on Desperate Housewives.

In no way do I resemble Jesse Metcalfe in any way, shape, or form. I don’t have the looks, the body (with the overdeveloped chest and – shockingly pudgy – love-handles) and I don’t walk around half-naked while shovelling manure.

But, I do have an acting range that doesn’t require taking off my shirt to show off my considerable assets.

Anyway, who wants to deal with Mrs. Solis, a Chihuahua of a woman who incessantly barks and snaps at your heels like you’re the mailman?

Eh. Let him take care of Longoria.

Does anyone need me to plow their field?

7 Comments:

Blogger Lemuel said...

Do you fertilize too? I'm not sure what good it would do though.

September 26, 2006 6:42 am  
Anonymous jason said...

That's a loaded question. Let me think on that for a while. lol...

See, there's all kinds of jokes in that.

September 26, 2006 7:50 am  
Blogger Kevin said...

I have nothing to say ... let the jokes tell themselves.

September 26, 2006 8:47 am  
Blogger Jeff said...

There is just something very sexual about this post.....

September 26, 2006 9:56 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

why am i arroused now?

September 26, 2006 11:49 am  
Blogger Steven said...

Lemuel: Yes, but I need some privacy to do that.

Jason and Six: So many jokes. I'm another Rodney Dangerfield.

Jeff: Landscaping gets you hot?

Indy: Well, manure can do that to people.

September 26, 2006 6:00 pm  
Anonymous Glenn said...

I agree with Jeff. Very suggestive post.

September 26, 2006 7:20 pm  

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