I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, December 22, 2006

All I want for Christmas is...

Whenever the holidays come along, inevitably I get the same question asked over and over again from my mother and sister:

What do you want for Christmas?

Since they’re the primary givers of gifts amongst my present posse, I know they’ll actually listen to what I want instead of going out and buying the first (and ugliest) thing they see just to check my name off a list.

“Oh my God, it was green and orange, made of polyester, 18 sizes too big, 583% off and I knew I had to get it for you!!”

But, this year I want something they can’t buy in a store, wrap up in paper and decorated with bows and ribbons.

All I want for Christmas is…

- To be happy after living through the shittiest year of my life (and I’m only 25 plus years old).

- The strength to get out of bed in the morning and not pull the covers over my head... especially when it's cold.

- A body that doesn't crack like a narc under pressure.

- A job that I like where I am not used and abused.

- Support when I need it and criticism when I don't want it.

- A car that doesn't scratch, ding, or dent, and runs on air, not gasoline.

- A kinder, gentler form of road rage.

- Patience (see above).

- A million less white hairs on my head (those fuckers grow like weeds).

- An extra two inches... in height.

- One-and-a-half abs to complete off my six-pack.

- The inability to make 30 million people hate me in one fell swoop.

- To have people like me for me, not for the person they think I am or for the person they want me to be.

- A group of friends who do what friends are supposed to do, and not what they think they're supposed to do.

- Time (just one extra hour a day).

- Cash. Can't forget that. Lots of cold, hard cash. Dirty, dirty cash. Rubbing it all over my body cash. Yeah. That sounds hot...

That’s all I can think of right now.

Is that too much to ask?

Note: Have a great weekend and get your heart on.


Blogger Lemuel said...

Thanks for the honest post. A lot of us would share many of the things on your list, if we too would be honest with ourselves. Happy Holidays!

December 22, 2006 6:20 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

so -- all you want is to be Cinder-fuckin-ella. That isnt too much to ask!

December 22, 2006 8:39 am  
Blogger Kevin said...

As Sally Brown said, "Please send cash. Preferably tens and twenties."

And I got your two inches right here.

(Wait, that really doesn't sound good.)

December 22, 2006 9:48 am  
Blogger Steven said...

Jesus, I just realized how depressing this list was after I read it, again.


Forget about the other stuff; I'll just take the cash.

December 22, 2006 10:19 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like a few of those. Actually I'm kind of lucky. When my friends hit 30, we all said NO MORE GIFT EXCHANGE. Saves a lot of stress.

December 22, 2006 10:23 am  
Blogger Jason said...

Have a merry Christmas and thank you for the e-card. I made a very nice cookie. After the stress of Christmas comes the next stress of New Year's resolutions.

Can't it all just go away?

December 22, 2006 12:58 pm  
Anonymous Glenn said...

Are you STILL clinging to that delusion of being 25? Give it up dearest.

December 22, 2006 2:00 pm  
Blogger Lewis said...

OK, so I can give you some cash...but not as much as you'd like. And I've got six inches to give, not two. Screw the gifts. We gave up on that several years ago. It's f___ing fantastic and relieves so much stress. And, I hope, I'm not one of the friends doing what I want to do and not what you need me to be doing.

December 22, 2006 2:22 pm  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Cash. Cash good!

December 22, 2006 8:48 pm  
Blogger knottyboy said...

Hon...I think you can check off [omg I just made a sideways Star Trek funny...Chekov] some of your list. I'm getting the impression your quite a happy and handsome guy. And a lot of that stems from that you're still in your 20's and the world is just one long endless possibility for you. You're a lucky man.

December 24, 2006 10:22 am  
Blogger madamerouge said...

^ what knotty said

December 29, 2006 12:03 am  

Post a Comment

<< Home