I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Nipples

After sitting down in this uncomfortable chair for way too long, I decide it’s time that I take a break. My legs need to stretch and I have to use the loo.

When I finish with my business, I turn towards the sink and turn on the faucet to wash my hands. With the water running, I look up and see my reflection in the mirror. Awful. This fluorescent lighting makes even the most beautiful of people look like the living dead.

With my hands washed and dried, I take a few seconds to make sure I look alright. Strange. There seems to be something on my sweater. A little stain of some sort. Round. Off to the side of my chest. I poke at the spot and it becomes more apparent. Then I notice something horrifying: there are two spots, perfectly opposite of each other.

Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ.

They’re not stains, they’re my nipples.

Whether it's the lighting, or the sheerness of the fabric, my nipples are visible. Both of them. And, no one has ever said anything. Ever. Are they embarrassed, or ashamed? Do like the show? Should I start charging admission? Who the fuck cares! They’re there. Saluting the troops, hailing the flag. We stand on guard for thee.

That does it. From now on, I’m wearing undershirts with everything I own.

16 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"...From now on, I’m wearing undershirts with everything I own."

Damn!

February 02, 2007 6:07 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That tends to happen in the winter months. And take it from me, undershirts don't always make it better.

I just means you have a more developed chest. Read: you don't got saggy boobs.

That's all. It'll be ok.

February 02, 2007 6:54 am  
Blogger Timmy said...

I have big titties too.

February 02, 2007 7:49 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pics! We want pictures of the nipply sweater! With you in it of course...

February 02, 2007 9:05 am  
Blogger about a boy said...

be proud of your nips!

February 02, 2007 11:16 am  
Blogger Brand New W said...

i thought it was a little nipply in here!

February 02, 2007 12:28 pm  
Blogger Kevin said...

Wait. So is that in addition to the hole?

(Not THAT hole, you pervs.)


Heh. Hole.

February 02, 2007 2:07 pm  
Blogger Will said...

Nipples are hot, hombre. Let 'em show

February 02, 2007 6:05 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nothing that some whiteout on painted on your nips wouldn't fix. I'll make sure I paint in the lines hon.
Hugs,
kb

February 02, 2007 6:45 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

While you're at it, start wearing briefs. I can just imagine what winter could do to that part of your anatomy. ;)

February 02, 2007 9:11 pm  
Blogger Christopher said...

Why not post a pic of your perky nips?...Would it kill you to take a camera in the restroom with you?!

What a tease!

February 02, 2007 10:21 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not even gonna comment on this. You know what I'm thinking.

February 03, 2007 1:18 am  
Blogger Daniel Thomasson said...

An undershirt can cover a multitude of sins.

February 03, 2007 4:40 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love seeing the outline of a guy's nips through his shirt. Please don't rain on my parade!
Sexy!!

February 03, 2007 5:20 am  
Blogger A Lewis said...

Wear 'em proudly, man. Nothing wrong with a dude's nips. I think they can be pretty hot!

February 04, 2007 8:42 pm  
Blogger Sunshine said...

At least you only have 2. Some people have extras. :P

March 26, 2007 4:31 am  

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