ARGH!!

The server hasn’t been working for the past couple of days which is why I haven’t been online. If it does work, it’s slower than dial-up. At first, I couldn’t care less. One or two days without Internet access are fine, after that, it becomes unacceptable.

I know it’s not my computer because it works just fine, and it’s not because of the phone jack because I still use it for my phone. It has to be the modem.

After waiting almost 30 minutes on hold, I get transferred to DSL’s customer service. I give them my phone number and tell them about the problem.

“Well, I already unplugged and plugged all of my cables, tried a new set of cables, removed the splitter, reset my modem, turned off the computer and turned it back on.”

Hearing the clicking of a keyboard on the other side of the line, I know he’s doing something. What, I don’t know. We go back and forth in a series of questions and answers. He gives me a set of instructions to follow and I act accordingly.

I end up uninstalling, reinstalling, deprogramming, reprogramming, unplugging, plugging, resetting, unattaching, reattaching, turning off and turning on the computer, going through DOS to reset the program, and muffling the occasional curse word while on my hands and knees underneath the desk with the phone’s handset cradled between my neck and head.

It all adds up to nothing.

As a final step, he tells me to unplug all the phones I have and see whether it makes a difference.

“But, how will I call you if the phones are unplugged?” I ask just before I unplug the cordless phone and accidentally hang up.

It takes me a second to realize what I’ve done.

“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” I yell loud enough for the neighbours to hear.

How will I get a hold of him if I didn’t even ask for his name and extension?! FUCK!

I am so angry, I am about to throw the computer out of the window for dramatic purposes.

“That does it. I give up.” I raise my hands up in the air. “I haven’t had anything to eat all day and I am starving… not to mention cranky as hell. God, I need a drink.”

It’s bad enough the weather is shitty, but I had something in my eye all day, dropped a remote control, spilled a glass of wine, made a mess in the kitchen due to grease splatter, and had issues with my phone’s answering machine that wasn’t answering phone calls.

After taking a break (and letting the alcohol slowly seep into my bloodstream), I go back to the computer. It needs to be unplugged before I haul it to another room with a phone jack.

As a larf, I decide to log online just one last time.

After clicking on the icon, I wait for the message to say whether or not my password has been accepted… and it works. The fucking thing works, and I didn’t have to a thing. More than two hours on the phone with customer service was for naught. Fuck.

Was all that pain and suffering for nothing? Or was it a test to see how angry I can get?

Motherfucking piece of digital shit.

Give me a cave and a rock to bash every piece of electrical equipment I own. That will make me feel so much better.